Wedding Bells and Fishnets
by Jana Girl123
Summary: Ollie and Dinah are finally tying the knot. Mayhem and chaos ensures as the Emerald Archer and the Fishnet Wonder attempt to have a normal wedding.
1. The Proposal

**A/N I own nothing, all characters belong to DC and Warner Bros.**

**(Seeing as it is 9/11 I would like to thank the families of those lost in the Towers and the men and women who died for us. We will never forget you or your services.)**

**A/N What can I say? I love GABC and there's even less of them on this site then HQ. This idea simply refuses to let me go, so even though I try to limit my fics to two at a time I'm doing it. Enjoy!**

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><p>"Would you like a breadstick?"<p>

Dinah looked up from her _Penne a la Vodka _and frowned, "No thank you. I already had three."

Ollie frowned as well, "Are you sure? They look pretty good."

"They are, but like I said I already had three of them plus salad and I still need to finish my actual dinner." Dinah explained, "If they look so good then why don't you have some of them?"

"Well, I-"

"I mean you _obviously _have some odd sort of obsession with them." She continued, "If you like them so much then why don't you eat one?"

"Because I got them just for you."

"Why?"

"Because I love you."

Dinah covered her face wither hands and groaned, "Oh, no. What did you do this time?"

"I didn't do anything!"

"Look, just tell me now so we can get it out of the way." She sighed, "Did you lose a bet and have to do something mortifying that will end up leaving me more embarrassed than you?"

"Wha-no!"

"Did you cheat on me _again_?"

"No!"

Canary thought about it long and hard before finally saying, "Alright, Ollie. Tell me what you want us to do in bed tonight. Do you want me to wear the nurse's uniform again?"

"No, I-well, actually that would be pretty nice." Oliver admitted, "But that wasn't what I was thinking."

No, that was not what Oliver Queen was thinking at all. Although sex was more often than not present in his thoughts Ollie's mind was on something a little more serious tonight.

After some careful consideration and thoughtful planning, he had begun to wonder what his future would be like as far as his love life. Almost forty years old, he knew he was getting up there in age. As fun as his life was with sleeping around with as many women as possible and acting like he was still twenty, he knew he couldn't keep it up forever.

"What were you thinking about, then?" Dinah asked curiously.

The ring in his pocket suddenly felt as though it weighed a thousand pounds. When it came to marriage, Oliver Queen tended to be against the dreaded ceremony. With all the beautiful women in the world why stay with just one? But Dinah had changed that.

"I'll tell you in a minute."

Dinah was different from all the other women he had dated or been with over the years. Aside from the fact she could easily kick his ass if she wanted to, she wasn't a complete ditz. Dinah was not only incredibly sexy with long, blond hair flowing past her shoulders, full curves, legs to die for, and the face of an angel, but she was every bit as smart as she was beautiful.

"Why can't you tell me now?"

But it would take more than an amazing ass and book smarts to make Ollie put his bachelorhood at risk. Over the years he had learned that Dinah was sophisticated, sassy, a champion in the bedroom, kind, and the best damn sparring partner he'd ever had. While most women had trouble keeping up with Oliver Queen, Oliver Queen had trouble keeping up with Dinah Lance.

"Because then it would ruin the surprise." He replied.

Even when he messed up countless times she stood by his side. Through every betrayal, every secret, every child he ended up fathering, and every affair, she had remained by his side. Where other's had simply gotten sick of him and left, Dinah had announced she wasn't giving up on him just yet. If there had ever been a more perfect match for Oliver it would have been himself with breasts.

"Ollie!"

Oh yes, there was no better woman alive for Oliver Queen than the lovely Dinah Lance, but getting himself to admit it was another story. It had taken three break-ups, several years, countless fights, and a few late night drinks before he could even consider spending the rest of his life with her. But once the thought entered his mind, the damn thing wouldn't let him go.

Which was exactly how Ollie found himself standing in front of a jewelry store a few months ago staring at a case filled with large diamonds glittering on golden bands. The combination of the idea of making Dinah his forever pestering him, damn Roy seeming to be more grown-up than him (which was _awful, _who wants to say their son has a more stable future than they do?) after having Lian, and a smooth talking business man ended up with Ollie leaving the small store a few thousand dollars shorter with a ring in his pocket.

"Alright, alright." The billionaire sighed as he took her hand in his own, "Dinah, you and I have been through so much together it's a little scary. Over the years I've cheated on you, slept with countless women, flirted like a high school cheerleader-"

"I know, Ollie." Dinah frowned, "I was there, remember? I was the woman screaming at you for doing those things."

"I know, babe, I'm still deaf in my right ear." Ollie replied sweetly, "As I was saying, we've been through a lot together. Hell, even you've had your share of stuff too! I mean you're bossy, when I try to be nice you pull the feminist crap on me, you get mad when I brag about how great our sex life is, you PMS like a bitch-"

"If your goal is to piss me off beyond belief and make me storm out of the restaurant you're doing a fabulous job." Dinah commented dryly. Some romantic evening this was turning out to be. Between the _fascinating _conversation, wonderful compliments, and cheerful memories of being cheated on the evening wasn't quite what she expected.

But then again things never were when it came to Ollie.

"No, no. No need to storm out of here." Ollie said quickly, "Just preparing for something important I have to say."

"What is it?"

"Dinah, like I said, you and I have been together for a long time." He began, "We've been through a lot together and I think we can both agree maybe it's time for a change in our relationship."

Dinah took a moment to digest this. Slowly, she looked up into his eyes and whispered, "...Are you dumping me?"

"Yes, I-What?"

"You jackass!" She snapped, throwing her napkin down on the table as she stood up, "You green-clad, manwhore of a jackass! I can't believe you! Not only did you make me get dressed up, drag me to an expensive restaurant, and spend the entire time bashing me but then you have the nerve to try and dump me?"

"Dinah, it's not like-"

"And after everything I've done for you! Every time I was humiliated because you pulled some stupid prank with Wally or cheated on me with some skank I stood by your sorry butt and now you're _dumping_ me?"

"No, I-"

"Screw you, Oliver." Canary snarled, grabbing her purse and storming away from the table, "Thanks for the _fabulous _evening. I'm not going to forget it for a long, long time."

"Dinah, wait!" Ollie yelped as he leaped up from his chair and darted after her, "Hey, come back!"

"What?" She demanded furiously, "What could you possibly have to say to me?"

He dropped onto one knee and took her hand in his once more as he used the other to pull a ring out of his pocket, "Marry me."

Her eyes widened in disbelief as she looked at the ring in its velvet black box, "Wh-What?"

"I asked if you would marry me." Arrow repeated.

"But-But I thought you just tried to dump me?" She sputtered.

"Nope. You just assumed I was going to and took off before I could ask you."

"Oh, _Ollie._" Dinah breathed as she took in the gorgeous diamond, "It's _beautiful_."

Oliver, forever an old romantic at heart, replied sweetly, "Just like you."

Whether he was being serious or just trying to butter her up didn't matter to Dinah as she snatched the ring up, "Oh my God Ollie, yes! My answer's yes!"

He chuckled at her reaction and reached for the box, "Good, now let me just-"

"No!" She exclaimed clutching the box to her chest possessively, "I went through too much to get this ring to let you just take it back like that! I'm keeping it."

"You're not even going to let me put it on you?" He gaped in disbelief.

"Nu-uh." Dinah smiled, sliding the golden band around her finger, "Ollie, it's incredible. I swear I can see my reflection in it."

"That's nice, now why couldn't I put it on? I'm the one that bought it in the first place."

"And I'm the one you bought it for." She rebutted sweetly, "If you want you can have the box back."

"I don't think I'm worthy of having the privilege of keeping the five dollar box." Ollie smirked, "So you like it?"

"I _love _it." Canary gushed as she admired the way the band looked on her finger, "This is one of the best things you've ever done for me."

"So does this make up for all the times I've screwed up over the years?" Oliver asked hopefully.

"I wouldn't go that far."

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><p>The normally loud and lively murmur among the residents of the Watch Tower was silenced when J'onn pressed a button on the control panel and the deep, calm voice of the last Martian flooded through the Tower, "Attention, may I have your attention please."<p>

The crowd turned to face him curiously, no doubt wondering what they were all here for.

"Now, I know you all are wondering why you were called here-"

"Are we being invaded?" Booster called out.

"No."

Blue Beetle looked up at him and cried, "Is it Lex again?"

"No." J'onn frowned, patiently waiting for the group of heroes to quiet down once more.

"Are we being shut down by the Fed's again?" Asked S.T.R.I.P.E

"No."

"This isn't a test, is it?" Frowned Supergirl, "I didn't study for it and Ma Kent says if I ever fail a test she'll make Batman tutor me."

"No, I-"

"You are not going to geev us thoze inzpections Flash waz talking about where you need to zee us naked, are you?" Fire asked wearily, "Because I do not feel comfortable weeth zat. No one but my _namorado _gets to zee me naked."

"Her boyfriend and half of the men in the League." Muttered Shayera.

"Hey!"

"Enough!" J'onn frowned, "I have called you all here today for an announcement. Last night, the Green Arrow proposed to Black Canary for the two of them to wed."

"How'd he take it when she said no?" Cracked Wally.

"She said yes you moron!" Ollie snapped.

"_As I was saying_," J'onn continued, "The two plan to marry before next year. Please offer your congratulations and wish then good luck. That is all."

From across the room Diana turned to the masked man next to her, "Ollie and Dinah are getting married?"

"It would appear so." Bruce replied, "To be honest I'm surprised she said yes after everything Queen's put her through over the years."

"I think it's sweet. Obviously they love each other very much and have decided to take the next step and shed any doubts of them separating." Wonder Woman opined, "It's hard to find love so strong not even constant cheating and lies can break it."

"Sounds unhealthy to me."

"Well I think it's romantic." She smiled, "Do you ever think you'll find a woman you want to marry, Bruce?"

"Don't call me that when the cowl's on."

"You're avoiding the question." Diana accused lightly. She suddenly smiled softly and batted her eyes at him subtly, brushing a stray strand of hair from her flawless face, "Maybe you already have someone in mind."

For a moment he seemed almost flustered, but before Diana could jump on it Wally sped into the room, "Can you believe 'Mr. Seven kids from seven women' is getting hitched? That's like you being married, Bats."

Diana frowned, "What do you mean by that?"

"He means that it's never going to happen." Bruce explained curtly, "I don't have time for anyone or anything as trivial and pointless as marriage."

"...Does that mean I can hit on Catwoman since you've decided to turn asexual?" Wally asked hopefully.

Bruce sent one of his famous glares at the younger man before spinning on the scuffs of his heels and walking away. Wally watched him go for a few seconds before thoughtfully saying, "I'm just going to go ahead and think that means yes in Batmanese."

Diana glared at the Scarlett Speedster and gave him a light smack on the back of his head like she had seen John do so many times before, "Wally!"

"Ow!" Wally yelped as he rubbed the back of his now sore head, "What was that for?"

"Everything!" Diana huffed crossly as she turned to exit the room, "Ugh, men."

Wally watched her leave and frowned, _Why do women always say that around me?_

* * *

><p>Helena looked up to see Ollie and Dinah walking towards the table she was seated at, their hands intertwined, "Aw, well if it isn't the prom king and queen."<p>

"Funny." Ollie frowned as he and Dinah sat down, "You could be a comedian if you tried."

"I think I'll stick to teaching." Helen grinned, "So I hear you to finally decided to get hitched."

"Yes." Dinah smiled as she gave her an enthusiastic smile, "He proposed last night over dinner."

"You make it sound like we don't know." Vic murmured, pausing his work on his laptop to join the conversation.

"Huh?" Canary frowned, "How could you possibly know that? I haven't told anyone the details yet."

"Second best detective on the planet, remember?" Q asked as he gestured to himself.

"And his girlfriend who makes him share the gossip with her." Helena smirked, "I have dirt on everybody on the Tower after dating him for as long as I have. Hell, I even have dirt on the president and all his buddies in the Whitehouse."

"Right, I'm sure the fact that he knew I was going to propose has nothing to do with the fact I told him I was going to do it." Ollie remarked with a roll of his eyes.

"Pft, you're just jealous because my girlfriend doesn't force me to marry her."

"She didn't _force_ me, I _wanted _to!"

"Who the hell cares?" Huntress scoffed, "Let me see the rock."

Dinah smiled in relief that they were finally discussing something worth talking about and flicked her hand proudly, the diamond on her ring finger glittering in the light, "Ta-da. Isn't it gorgeous?"

Helen let out a whistle of appreciation, "Damn, talk about a rock. Jeez, Ollie, how much did this cost you?"

"More than I like to think about." The Emerald Archer admitted before hastily adding, "But it was worth it."

"Hurm, I highly doubt spending a few thousand dollars on something as trivial and relatively worthless as a shiny rock was worth it." Vic remarked skeptically.

Helena sighed and shook her head as she turned to Dinah, "Now do you see why I don't have any jewelry?"

"You make more in a month than I'll make in my lifetime _and _your father left you with an inheritance that would make Tom Cruise seem like a poor beggar." Q snorted, "You hardly need me to buy you jewelry, Helen."

She decided to be the bigger person for once and not explain to her dense boyfriend that buying it herself completely took the joy away from receiving jewelry. Instead the Italian turned to Dinah and asked, "So, are you happy you're finally going to have an excuse to dress up all fancy and wear a pretty dress?"

"I always have an excuse to get dressed up." Dinah replied off-handily, "But yes, any excuse to be dressed up is a good one."

"What about Roy?" She continued, "Is he happy to be getting a new Mommy?"

"I think he's just happy Lian's finally going to be able to call Dinah 'Grandma' without wondering if she's going to stay Grandma or not." Ollie admitted.

"Whoa, I am way too young to be a grandmother!" Dinah gasped, "I'm only twenty-nine!"

"Hurm." Vic murmured thoughtfully as he did some mental math, "Well it _is _technically possible."

"Possible or not I am so not going to be called Grandma!" Dinah said firmly.

"We're going to ask Roy if he wants to be the best man at the wedding." Ollie explained, "We were going to ask Vic, but-"

"Sorry, won't do it. Marriage is a government conspiracy designed to-"

"And that's why we didn't." Oliver snorted, cutting Vic off in mid-rant, "I didn't want my mind to become more twisted then it already is."

"It's okay." Helena laughed, "I know exactly what you mean."

"Since we're on the subject of things that twist our minds, I have a question for you that I hope I don't regret asking, Helen." Canary began, "I was hoping you would be my maid of honor. It's not too hard of a job and it would mean a lot to me if you said yes."

"Do I have to wear whatever shitty dress you want me to or can I pick it out myself?"

"I have to approve of it and it has to match the color scheme, but if you want."

"Color scheme?" Huntress balked, "God, you're going to be one of _those _brides, aren't you? If I'm the maid of honor can I call you out for being a Bridezilla and make you act sane?"

"I am not going to be Bridezilla!"

"But if the situation occurs...?"

Dinah rolled her eyes and let out an unhappy huff of annoyance, "Fine, on the exceptionally rare chance that I become Bridezilla you have permission to neutralize me."

"Will do." The brunette grinned, "...Does it also mean I get to plan your bachelorette party?"

The tone of hopefulness was tinted with mischief, but Dinah chose to ignore it and hope things worked out for the best, "Yes."

"I'm in." Helen smirked. Her mind was already working out possibilities for what she would make sure would go down in history as one of the wildest bachelorette parties in history. It was a good thing Dinah was marrying one of the richest men in the world; what Helena had in mind was far from cheap. Oh, but it would be worth it.

Question inwardly groaned at the look on his girlfriend's face. He knew full well what that look meant and he didn't like it. That mischievous look appeared to be so innocent to the untrained eye, but to someone who had been around the woman as long as he had it meant trouble. Fun trouble, but trouble nonetheless, "I'm going to leave before Dinah decided to do something else everyone truly regrets."

"Hey!" Helena protested, "Come on, I won't make it _that _inappropriate!"

"I'm sure you won't." Q muttered skeptically as he cast her a weary gaze from under his mask, "You coming?"

"Better than sitting around here and talking about color schemes and crap." Helena shrugged as she stood up to follow him.

The couple turned to leave the room remaining silent until they were out of ear-shot, "I take it you already have some ideas as to how Dinah's bachelorette party and the more fun parts of her wedding will go down?" Q asked knowingly.

"You bet your orange socks I do." Helena assured him with a confident smile, "I gotta say I'm kind of glad they're getting married. I like weddings and I haven't been to one in ages."

"Hurm. I don't."

"I know that." She frowned, "Hence why I never talk about marriage around you. Well, that and I don't ever want to get married."

"Ah, on that we can both agree." Vic chuckled, "You have no idea how relieved I am to hear you say that."

Back in the dining hall Ollie and Dinah were still seated at the table. Dinah mulled over her previous decision and asked tentatively, "Do you think I made a mistake?"

"About what?"

"Asking Helena to be my maid of honor." Dinah clarified, "I love her like a sister but now that I think about it asking her might not have been the safest idea, especially when it comes it planning my bachelorette party."

"Eh, let her do what she wants. After all, it's pretty much going to be the last big blowout you go to as a single, well, moderately single lady." Ollie reasoned, "I say go crazy."

"I guess." Dinah conceded. _Jeez, Ollie's right. After this I'm officially going to be taken._

With that thought in mind, Dinah decided that maybe it wasn't such a bad idea that she went a little crazy on her last night on the town as a single woman.

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><p><strong>AN Oh yes, there will be mayhem. Also, there will be some questionable content in this. Nothing like an awkwardly explicit sex seen, but some...mature themes;) Read and Review!**


	2. Conversations, Arguements, and Boob Jobs

**A/N I own nothing, all characters belong to DC and Warner Bros.**

**Reviewers, how I love you so...**

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><p>Ollie put his hand on the counter and sighed as the dial-tone rang in his ears. Was this really the smartest move? He hadn't spoken to his adopted son in quite some time and the last time they'd tried to have a conversation it had ended in Roy shouting to him that he didn't need anyone but himself as he yanked Lian's car seat out of Ollie's hands and sped off angrily into the dark, Lian looking out the window in confusion as she waved goodbye.<p>

No, he had to do this. Aside from the fact he hadn't seen his granddaughter in almost a year, he wanted Roy to be there on his wedding day. After everything the two had gone through Ollie wanted to make it right. Roy was his son, even if he didn't have his DNA.

_"Hello?"_

"Roy? It's Ollie."

A groan was heard in the background followed by gentle swearing under the former Speedy's breath, _"What do you want?" _

"Can't a father call up his son to chat about nothing?"

_"I guess a father could, but you're not my father." _

Ouch. Maybe he should've let Dinah do this like she wanted. Roy seemed to get along with her better anyways. Why hadn't he listened to her? "Fair enough. So, got a new girlfriend yet?"

_"No, but the only female I really need in my life is Lian." _Roy replied sharply to make it clear he didn't miss the thrill of being with someone.

"She's a cute little kid, Lian." Ollie admitted, "...But sex has gotta be something you'd miss, and I know you never fail to charm the pants off an attractive woman. If I taught you anything, I taught you how to get laid."

_"...My neighbor is this insanely hot little blond with incredible tits. Nothing like Diana's of course, but I swear that might be better than Dinah's." _A pause, _"Are Dinah's real?"_

"Yes, yes they are." Ollie said proudly, "So what about this sexy neighbor of yours?"

_"I'm doing a lot of waiting with this one, Ollie. We've gone out twice and I still haven't slept with her." _

"_Twice_?" Ollie gaped, "Why the hell not?"

_"Donna said that since I'm a dad now I apparently have to be careful with that stuff. Supposedly my subconscious is making me look for a woman because I think Lian needs a mother." _

"Do you really believe that psychological bullshit?"

_"Hell no! I think I'm just horny." _Roy snorted, _"Another wonderful trait I 'inherited' from you." _

"Don't forget the Queen charm."

Suddenly it was as though a vacuum had come and sucked the friendliness out of their conversation. The next time Roy spoke it was in a slightly more critical and harsh tone, _"So what's the real reason you called me up, Daddy-dearest? Did you screw over yet another woman for nine months?" _

Arrow chose not to make a snide comment about the lack of faith his son had in him and his ability to use a condom. Doing so would do nothing but turn the conversation into yet another heated argument. "Dinah and I are getting married."

_"...You're funny, Ollie, really funny." _Roy growled, _"Thanks for crank calling me just to yank my chain. I really appreciate it, you ass. How stupid do you think I am? I've known you for years, Ollie! No way in hell are you ever going to get married; you like sex to damn much!" _

"Hey, watch the mouth." Ollie frowned, "And I don't appreciate your attitude, mister."

_"Well I don't appreciate you calling me up to screw with me, old man!" _

"Damn it Roy, I'm not screwing with you! Dinah and I are really getting married!" Ollie snapped, "I asked her a few weeks ago and she said yes. You don't believe me? Go call up Dinah, Ted, Wally, hell even Bruce Wayne! Just get it through your thick skull!"

_"...Are you serious?" _

"As a heart attack."

_"...How far along is she?" _

"Excuse me?"

_"How long has Dinah been pregnant?" _Roy repeated, _"You know I always did find it a little strange that you never knocked her up. I mean you always manage to fuck up every other girl you come in contact except the one you bang almost every other night. I kinda just assumed Dinah was infertile." _

"Dinah is _not _pregnant!"

_"Are you sure?"_

"Of course I'm sure!"

_"Then why are you marrying her?" _

"Because...Because..." It was the question that everyone had been asking. What could possibly make the notorious womanizer that was Oliver Queen want to get married? The answer was simple: He loved Dinah and didn't want to lose her. While he loved sex, he also loved the beautiful martial artist. Now if it came down to a choice between being married to Dinah with no sex and being able to have as much as he wanted, Ollie probably would have gone with the latter. But being married to Dinah and thus making sure no other man did what he did to her while being able to have incredible sex with her was far more appealing. There were a few other reasons as well, but that was the main gist.

Not that he could tell Roy that. He had a reputation he needed to uphold.

_"Helllooo? Mr. Blond Dumb and Slutty?" _

"Calling me dumb because I'm blond makes you guilty of being stereotypical, kid." Ollie frowned, "You don't see me saying you don't have a soul because your hair's kind of red."

_"I'm not a soulless ginger; I'm a moral-lacking brunette with hair that sometimes looks orange."_ Roy shot back, _"You didn't answer my question, old man. Why are you two getting married?" _

"There are a couple of reasons, but mainly because I'm at a point in my life where I want a little stability." The Emerald Archer explained with a sigh, "I love Dinah, and I know I've made a lot of mistakes since we've been together but she still stuck with me. I feel like I owe her this."

_"...Because you got her pregnant?"_

"I DID NOT GET DINAH PREGNANT!" Ollie exploded, his face turning an unflattering shade of red, "How many times do I have to tell you! Is it really so hard to believe that maybe I _want _to get married?"

_"Yes." _

"And why is that?"

_"Because no sane man willing chooses to stick with one chick when he has hundreds of them itching to bed him." _Roy replied instantly, _"What happened to the womanizing billionaire playboy who I came to know and resent?" _

_He got old. _Ollie thought to himself before mentally adding, _Older, I mean. I still got a few good years left in me. _"He went crazy and killed his smartass son because he kept accusing him of knocking up his fiancé."

_"That's not a very nice ending."_

"That's life."

_"So you called me to invite me to your wedding? Aw jeez Ollie, I don't know." _Roy said uncertainly, _"I got a lot on my plate right now. Lian just started school, like I said earlier I'm trying to take my time before I bang the neighbor, I gotta go to Wally's house this week so he can introduce me to his new girlfriend Linda, then of course there's my job and-"_

"The wedding's in a few months, Roy. You'll have time to plan for everything." Arrow assured him, "Besides, I want you to be my best man."

_"...Really? _Roy asked in slight disbelief, _"Why not Bruce?" _

"I didn't raise that crotchety old man as my own son." Oliver smirked, "Look, Dinah already picked Helena as her bridesmaid. I need you to do this, alright?"

_"If Helen's going to be the bridesmaid then why can't Question just be the best man?"_

"Do you honestly want me to list everything wrong with that scenario?"

_"True." _Roy conceded, _"But I mean..."_

Ollie decided it was time to pull out the big guns. "Dinah agrees with me, you know. She said having someone she thinks of as her own son at our wedding would be perfect."

It was no secret that while Roy was hardly Ollie's biggest fan he absolutely loved Dinah. With that particular tidbit of information in mind it didn't really surprise Ollie to much when Roy asked, _"...She really said that?" _

"Of course she did; Dinah thinks you're pretty damn great for some reason. It must be a little bit of me rubbing off on you."

_"Well if you're sure you really want me to go and be the best man then I guess I really can't say no." _Roy conceded, _"Is Ted going to be there, too?" _

"You bet your best arrow he will be. Dinah would kill the both of us if he didn't come, you know."

_"Alright, I'll go." _He agreed, _"It was nice talking to y-LIAN! PUT THAT ARROW DOWN NOW! How many times have I told you we don't play with Daddy's saw-arrows?"_

"Kids." Ollie chuckled to himself as he hung up the phone. It looked like today was going to be a particularly pleasant day for Oliver Queen.

* * *

><p>"So did you hear the news about Dinah and Ollie?"<p>

John Stewart, better known to the world as the current Green Lantern, looked up at the beautiful woman in front of him. Frowning in slight puzzlement he replied, "No, I can't say I have. I've been on an off-world mission for the past few weeks. Why, did he cheat on her again?"

"No, they're actually getting married."

Mari McCabe, super model by day and female angel of vengeance done in the finest fashions as Vixen by night, smirked at her boyfriend's puzzled face. For the most part John was fairly smart, but when it came to common sense he tended to lack it immensely. Though to be honest all men did when it came to matters such as these.

"Okay." He said slowly, testing the waters of this dreaded subject, "And you're telling me this because...?"

"Because a wedding invitation came in the mail today inviting me to the wedding and I want you to come as my date." She smiled, "I'm giving you a heads up so you know not to make any plans, alright?"

"Mari, if there's an emergency than I really can't-"

She held up a finger, "_If _there is an emergency then you don't have to go, Boo. But if there isn't then I want you to promise me you and I will go together, alright?"

"Mari, you know I can't make plans." He sighed, fiddling with his ring. She knew what that meant. It meant that another lecture was coming about the responsibilities he had to the Core, to the League, and to the people of Earth. Everyone, it seemed, except her. While Mari knew the notion was childish and even a bit resentful, she couldn't help but feel like it was true.

Sometimes it wasn't easy being Mari, but no matter what happened she always put her best high-heeled foot forward and marched on proudly. Even when her boyfriend made her want to claw out his eyes and tear out her own hair in frustration, she kept her calm. Whether it was on the runway or on the Station, Mari always made sure to control her temper.

"I know that, John. I'm in the League too. But if you're not busy that day than-"

"I already told you I don't know." He frowned, "Things come up sometimes and plans need to change."

"I know that which is why I'm saying what I said now." She persisted, "I'm telling you so you can't say you had no idea or schedule something on the day of their wedding."

"I really don't appreciate you trying to pressure me into going to all of your events, Mari. I'm not some little boy-toy you can just drag around everywhere."

"I never said you were!" Mari snapped, "I was inviting you to go because normally that's what couples do; they go places together. Dinah and Ollie are friends and colleagues of ours and I thought it would be nice for the two of us to go."

His face softened, "I'm sorry, it's just-"

"What, John? What could it possibly be?" Mari asked wearily, "Just about every time we're together you snap at me for something and blame it on being over-worked. I love you, John, but you can't do that."

She walked over to the coat rack and picked up her purse, slinging it over her shoulder as she placed her hand on the doorknob, "I'm going shopping now. We'll finish talking about this when I get back, unless of course you get called on a mission."

He opened his mouth to respond, but before he got a single word out she slammed the door.

* * *

><p>"There you are! I thought I'd never find you."<p>

Dinah Lance, soon to be Dinah Queen, looked up to see a beautiful woman who had graced the cover of more magazines than she could count walk over to her with a grin on her face. "Mari! It's so good to see you again."

"You too, hon." She smiled, hugging the other woman. "You would not believe the afternoon I had."

"You'll have to tell me about it while we shop for my dress."

"Can we get something to eat here first?" Helena asked, speaking up for the first time. "I'm starving."

"You're always hungry." Dinah chided with a slight roll of her eyes.

"That's because putting up with Q's ramblings, you going crazy, and working twenty-hour days takes a lot of energy."

"What do you mean by me going crazy?"

"Ladies, ladies, relax." Mari soothed, "Dinah, you're not going crazy at all compared to other brides I've seen. Helena, we'll buy you a Milky Way on the way there."

"...Can I have a Snickers bar instead?"

"Only if you stop calling me a crazy bridezilla." Dinah huffed.

"You know, Milky Way's are good to." Helen shrugged, "I have too much fun teasing you to let up, even if it is for chocolate."

Before a cat fight could break out between the two women Mari quickly said, "Come on, we're going to miss are appointment if we don't hurry."

"Thank you so much again for getting me an appointment at _Botticelli's_, it's almost impossible for anyone to get one." Dinah gushed, "They wouldn't even let the fiancé of Oliver Queen in there, can you believe it?"

"Aw, is the little blond upset her sugar daddy can't get her what she wants?" Helen pouted in false sympathy.

"Keep it up and I'm going to make you wear the most hideous dress I can find." Dinah threatened before turning back to Mari, "Anyways, I can't even begin to tell you how grateful I am. I just really want a nice dress, you know?"

Mari waved her off, "It's no problem. Besides, I owe you and Helena for saving me from Roulette's mind control."

"You can repay _me _but buying me lunch today." Helena suggested, "Screw buying me some fancy dress I'll wear exactly once in my life, just get me a damn chilidog. Uh, scratch that, I'll take a pretzel."

"Why a pretzel? Chilidogs are better than a pretzel." Mari opined, "Plus you get more for your money."

"And who says models eat like birds." The Italian smirked, "Chilidogs are amazing, but you know how hot dogs come in packages of ten and buns come in packages of eight? Well Q says it's because the steroids they inject in cows causes them to get fatter and produce more meat, but the meat's bad. So they give it you so no one suspects anything because they're too happy they have extra hotdogs or to angry because they have too few buns."

"That is...the dumbest thing I've ever heard." Mari said truthfully, "Please tell me you don't believe it."

"Of course not." Helen assured them quickly while thinking to herself, _But still better safe than sorry._ "Why, do you think I'm some sort of dumb bimbo who believes whatever she hears?"

"No, but you are dating a guy who thinks hotdogs are dangerous." Dinah murmured, "Something in your head has to be off."

Helena prepared to tell the blond off, but before she could the trio arrived in front of a large, lavishly decorated building that reeked of wealth. The establishment was obviously for people with money and a lot of it. "That's a big building..."

"And it's all filled with wedding dresses?" Dinah gaped, "I think I've died and gone to heaven."

"Well, wedding dresses and other dresses alike." Vixen explained as they entered, "But their gowns are absolutely gorgeous."

"Oh. My. God." A man dressed in a bright purple shirt and pink tie gasped as he caught sight of the women. "Mari! Mari baby, is that you?"

"Alfonzo!" Mari cried in delight as she approached the man. The two gave each other air kisses on each cheek in a very European-like manner.

"Girl, you look _fabulous_!" Alfonzo gushed, dragging her towards two chairs and gesturing for her to sit down, "So, I hear you're here for a wedding dress and I have to ask; are you finally getting your chained tied to some sexy little bulldog?"

"It's not for me." She laughed, "It's for her."

Alfonzo looked up to see a stunningly beautiful dark-haired woman with a bored expression on her face. "Her?"

"Huh?" Helen frowned when she noticed the man's eyes had fallen on her, "Hell no. Blondie's the one getting hitched, not me."

Alfonzo turned to see a smiling Dinah Lance in all her glory and broke into a grin as well, "Ugh, I'm a spaz when it comes to weddings, I swear. It's amazing I got anything done at all when I was planning mine with Chuck. "He looked Dinah over, "Se-xy, baby cakes! So who's the lucky man?"

"Oliver Queen."

Alfonzo's eyes widened, "So you're the woman who managed to tie down that sexy little hunk of man meat! Mm-mm girlfriend, you must have worked it good."

"I did." Canary smirked, placing her hands on her hips triumphantly. "And after all that work I really want a nice dress to wear on the big day. Do you think you can find one that will look nice on me?"

"A potato sack would look good on you, baby cakes. I bet you drive all the men crazy."

"We all do." Mari smirked, "Now about that dress."

"Of course, of course. Come my bitches, right this way." He called over his shoulder as he marched them over to a display of dresses.

"Only I could get stuck dress shopping with two fashion slaves and a guy who could be the cover boy for Flamboyant Monthly." Helena muttered under her breath. While she enjoyed getting dressed up and going for a night out on the town as much as the next woman, her idea of a good time was hardly waiting around in a dressing room for her best friend to pick a dress while a woman she barely knew laughed it up with her feminine friend.

"These are some of our newest arrivals." Alfonzo smiled proudly as he gestured to the strikingly lovely gowns on display. "We buy from only the best and most well-known designers like Mattie Sottero, Jean Nouvel, Vera Wang, and Chuck Norris."

"What can't that sexy man do?" Helena snorted with a little shake of her head.

"I kid, I kid." Alfonzo assured them with a grin, "Jean Nouvel is an architect, not a dress designer! But back to the dresses. Now not to sound like a snobby little bitch, but since you're marrying Oliver Queen I think wearing a white dress is a bit of false advertising, no? Like a bra adding two cup sizes sort of thing, if you get the metaphor. Oliver's a naughty little bastard from what I've heard, and he never goes to bed alone."

Dinah opened her mouth to reply when Helena cut her off, "Oh, don't even try to deny it!" Smiling mischievously she turned to Alfonzo, "The two of them are like dogs."

Pink tinted Canary's cheeks as she shot back, "Like you and Vic are so much better!"

"Obviously we must be if you two snuck in our rooms to try to watch." Helen reasoned with a shrug.

Mari tried to cover her snicker by placing her hand over her mouth as Alfonzo let out a drawled, "Oooh. She told you, sister!"

Dinah's face reddened even more. "We did not 'sneak in to try to watch you'! We let you spend the night in one of our guestrooms and heard some strange sound coming from your room so we decided to check it out. I was mortified!"

"If you were that embarrassed I doubt you would have stood there watching us like a kid with a television." Helena replied absently.

"Wha-you...? Gah!" Dinah sputtered angrily, "Just let me see a damn dress."

"Congratulations, you finally made her snap." Vixen muttered, "You've officially unleashed bridezilla, Helena."

"It was only a matter of time." Helen shrugged, "Could you hurry up and pick a dress, please? I have about a thousand essays to grade when I get home."

As Alfonzo grabbed Dinah by the hand and ushered her towards the gowns Vixen turned to Helena in surprise. "What do you mean a thousand papers to grade? Why on Earth would you have to grade papers?"

"That's one of the downsides to being a teacher." The brunette explained, "You end up drowning in papers half the time. Especially me since I spend most of my free time patrolling Gotham."

"You're...a teacher?"

"Yes, it is that hard to believe?"

"Yes."

Helena simply shrugged, "I like kids."

Across the room Dinah and the salesman were attempting to find her a dress. "Anything you wear is going to look fabulous on you, baby cakes." Alfonzo assured her, "You have a body that would make even Power Girl jealous, you know that? Whoever did your breasts did an absolutely a-ma-_zing _job."

Dinah gaped at him in horror and instinctively covered her chest with her arms. "Wha-they are _not _fake! I get them from my Dad!"

"You got your daddy's boobies?" He frowned, "Darling, that is not something we are proud of!"

"I meant from his side of the family!"

"There's nothing wrong with getting a little help from the surgeon, Di." Mari called from across the room, "Let's face it, when we work out as much as we all do sometimes we lose the extra stuff we got going on up top. My surgeon did a fabulous job with mine and he only added a little more wow."

Helena looked up at them in slight amusement, "Am I the only one here who stuck with what her Mama gave her? Go Italian genes!"

"I did not get a boob job!" Dinah shouted, "Can we please just go back to looking at dresses?"

"Denial, denial, sugar." Alfonzo chided, "The sooner you admit it, the better."

"I'm not going to 'admit' something that's a lie!"

"You make it sound like we should be ashamed." Mari noted dryly, "What's wrong with getting a little work done?"

"Nothing for you, Mari. You're a supermodel." Dinah assured her, "It's a given that that was going to happen. I, on the other hand, am not. For the last time my breasts are _real_, got it?"

"Honey bunny if we all can tell then what is the point of denying it?" Alfonzo sighed, "It is getting a little tiring."

"Why you little-! Fine! You know what?" Dinah cried, grabbing his hands and shoving them onto her breasts, squeezing him so he could feel them. Smiling just a tad insanely she laughed triumphantly, "Ha! See, I _told _you they were real! I told you!"

Alfonzo froze and stared at Dinah, "Wha-you...? Take my hands off your boobies now, you freak!"

Sanity seemed to slowly seep back into Canary's mind as her face fell and she released her grip on his hands. "Oh my...I am so sorry!"

"Gah!" He cried, slapping away her hands and placing his own possessively on his sides. Panting, he looked up at her and exclaimed, "What is wrong with you, you PMSing psycho!"

Mortified at her actions Dinah quickly began to apologize, "I am _so, _so sorry. That was completely out of line and-"

"You bet your fake bosom it was!" He yelped, "Mari darling, I am afraid I am going to have to ask you to make all the horny bitches in your group leave." He shivered in disgust before adding, "Immediately."

Helena looked up and frowned, "Hey! Why do I have to leave?"

Vixen shot him an apologetic look as she walked over to hug him goodbye, "Alfonzo, I am so-"

He held up a hand as she approached him, "Nuh-uh, too much contact with the other species for me for one day, baby cakes. I will see you at the shoot on Friday."

"Again, I'm so sorry." Dinah apologized.

"Talk to the hand, girlfriend." Alfonzo snapped as he held up his palm, "By the way, you are a liar! Your boobies were as hard as rocks Ms. Malibu Barbie!"

Dinah glared at him, "_They're real_!"

"Real as unicorns!"

"Okay, I think it's time to go." Mari said quickly as she grabbed the furious blond by the arm. "Ciao, Alfonzo!"

"Ciao, my bitches!"

The minute they exited the store Mari turned to Dinah and frowned, "I have to say Di, I'm a little bit surprised by your behavior. I expected someone as classy and smart as you to be a little bit more well- behaved."

"_My _behavior?" Dinah gaped, "He spent the entire time bashing on me and saying I got a boob job!"

"So your first thought was 'if I feel him up then I bet he'll realize they're real'?" Helena snorted, "I have a feeling he doesn't have very much experience with how real breasts feel over fake ones, Dinah. Not your brightest idea."

"Oh shut up!" Dinah snapped, "All of that and I still don't have my wedding dress. Ugh, this day's been nothing but awful!"

"You know what would make it better? If we all went out and ate something." Helena suggested, "I'm in the mood for a burger, what about you?"

"Enough with the hunger pains!"

"You'll find a dress, hon. I promise." Mari assured her soothingly, "In the mean time I have to get home to John. I'll see you all on the Watch Tower tomorrow."

"Bye, Mari. Thanks for trying to help me find a dress." Dinah smiled wearily, "I'll see you soon."

After the sassy supermodel had left Helena turned back to Dinah and looked at her curiously. After a moment of studying her friend she said, "Dinah...I have to ask. Are they really real?"

"_For the last time yes!_"

* * *

><p><strong>AN Alfonzo: because the funniest sales clerks are the ones who only like women's chests for the material of the fabric of their shirts:) **

**A/N Read and review! **


	3. Barbie Dolls

**A/N I own nothing, all characters belong to DC and Warner Bros.**

**A/N There might be a few small grammar errors in this particular chapter, I edited it while I was listening to the Lonely Island...like a boss:)**

**Thanks for your patience and a special thanks for your reviews!**

* * *

><p>"So let me get this straight." Ted Grant said as he held up a finger, "You agreed to <em>marry<em> the guy who's cheated on you, what, one hundred times?"

"Would it kill you to be happy for me?" Dinah bristled.

"No, but I'll tell you what kid it'd sure kill me to watch you get a divorce because he cheated on you again."

The beautiful blonde woman fought back a sigh as she pinched her nose and tried to keep her temper under wraps. She loved Ted, she really did. After all he'd taught her what it was like to have a father when her own bailed on her and her mother. Still, that seemed to be everyone's response when she told them her and Ollie were to be married. Frankly, it was getting on her last nerve.

"He won't cheat on me again, Ted."

"Oh? And how do you know that? Last I checked the only power you had was making people go deaf."

"Hey! It's good for other stuff, too."

The former boxer's lips twitched into a small grin as he momentarily paused his brutal attack on the punching bag hanging from the ceiling in front of him. "Is that right?"

"Of course it is! It lets me make people deaf, and blow stuff up, and...make people deaf, and..." She trailed off uncertainly as her mind struggled to think of another use for her ability.

Ted grinned, "That's what I thought."

"Congratulations, not only have you managed to make my happy announcement seem like a bad thing but also bash my Canary Cry in the process. Way to go."

"What can I say, kid? I'm one of a kind."

"I'll give you that much." Dinah conceded with a sigh, "So will you come?"

"Of course I will, kid. But I gotta ask: Why are you marrying this guy? Couldn't you do better than an over-opinionated liberal of a manwhore?"

"What's wrong with being a liberal?" Dinah asked innocently as she avoided the question. She knew it would irk him, but that was half the fun of talking to Ted.

"Quit beating around the bush and answer the question."

"I love him, Ted." Dinah said simply, "I know it sounds cliché and stupid but I do. Why else would you marry someone?"

"Let's see we got guilt, lust, money, being pregnant..." He frowned as a thought occurred to him, "You're not pregnant, are you?"

"Wha-no! Why would you ask that?"

"Your little buddy has himself quite a reputation." Wildcat shrugged. He looked her over suspiciously, "Are you sure you're not pregnant, kid? If you are than you know you don't have to marry him, right? I'll take care of you and the tike."

"I'm not pregnant!"

He looked her over skeptically, "Right, and I'm Mr. Rogers."

"Ted! I'm really not!"

"You know this does explain a lot of things." Ted continued as he ignored her, "Lately you've been acting pretty darn cranky, not to mention it looks like you've put on a few pounds there, Missy."

_"What?"_

"Can't blame the guy who practically raised you for noticing this, though. Come to think of it I'm surprised he even offered to marry you for something as small as this. The man's got, what, ten little bastards running around all over the place?"

"Nine. Now what do you mean I've gained weight?"

"Well that tends to happen when you're pregnant, Dinah."

"For the last time I am not pregnant!"

"If you say so, kid." Ted chuckled, "But if I see a bump under that gown-"

"Ted!"

"Alright, I'm done." He smirked, turning his attention back to his punching bag. He threw a few more punches and began to speak once more. "So if you're not pregnant then why are you marrying that bozo?"

"Ollie's not a bozo."

"Well he sure ain't a brain."

Dinah stuck her tongue at him in a very child-like manner. Ted laughed at this and gave the bag one last kick before it flew off the chain and across the room, landing onto the gym floor with a thud. The older man leaned backwards and cracked his back with a grunt.

Dinah inwardly winced at the sound of his spine creaking. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, Ted was getting older. The man was the closest thing she had to a father and Dinah loved him more than anything, but eventually nature had to claim him in the ultimate circle that is life.

"So if you're done bashing Ollie then I have a favor to ask you."

"Shoot."

"Would you please walk me down the aisle and give me away?" Dinah asked, "You've been a father to me all these years, Ted. It would mean a lot to me if you did."

"...You tugging this old geezer's chain, kid?"

"No, I'm not. This is going to be a really, really special day and I want everything to be perfect." The blonde explained, "Mom died when I was six and Dad was never even in the picture. I want the man who raised me to give me away."

"'Course I will, kid. Just can't believe how much you've grown up." He admitted thoughtfully, "Not to mention how old I'm getting."

"You're not old, Ted."

"You're right; I'm just over fifty, my joints hurt, my hair's gray, and I hate anything modern."

Dinah struggled to find words of comfort, "Well...at least you haven't started yelling at kids to get off your lawn."

"Not yet."

"When are you going to start?"

"When some punk tries to put his grubby shoes on my grass."

She was startled into a laugh and let it roll through her body. Ted watched her with an amused look on his face as she shook and trembled with laughter. "Get a grip, kiddo. It wasn't that funny."

"Maybe not to you."

"So what's this little shin-dig going to be like?" He asked, "There's going to be free food, right?"

She placed her hands on her hips and cocked an eyebrow, "Ted, please tell me you're not seriously only coming to my wedding for free food."

"Of course not!" Ted cried, "...But it is a good bonus."

"Ted!"

"Sorry, kid, it's just weird for me to see you all grown up." Wildcat shrugged, "What happened to the little girl in pigtails trying to reach the punching bag so she could start to train?"

"She turned into a clumsy teenager who couldn't keep her hands off that bag." Dinah smiled.

"Hmph, I hated it when you were a teenager."

"Why is that?"

"Because every damn boy -not to mention a few girls- in the city wanted to get your pants off!"

She rolled her eyes, "Don't you think you're exaggerating just a little?"

"No."

"Well it's not like I actually did it with them." Dinah reasoned, "I didn't lose it until I was-uh, never mind."

"Excuse me?"

"Like I said, never mind. But it's not like I don't know how it works, Ted."

"Of course I know that you know how it works, kid. Remember that little talk I gave you when you were eleven?"

Canary groaned and dropped her face into her hands. Oh yes, she remembered very, very well. Unfortunately, that was the problem. "Who could forget getting a sex lecture from a guy she considered a dad who thought using Barbie dolls would be a good way to show the details?"

"I thought a visual would help you get it." He shrugged.

"You didn't need to use my damn Barbie's to do it!"

"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad."

"You used them to show what the 69 position was!" She yelped, "Besides, Ken was so autonomically incorrect I kept trying to figure out what the hell they were doing!"

"Well _I _thought it was a good idea."

"Ugh, you know that's the reason I stopped playing with dolls." Dinah frowned, "I was afraid they were going to come to life and have weird sex in their dollhouse."

"Come on, Di. It wasn't that bad, was it?"

"Yes!"

"...Do you still have them to show Ollie what you want to do?"

_"Ted!"_

* * *

><p>In a small apartment in Central City, a dark-haired woman was beginning to wake up with a light groan.<p>

Linda Park opened her eyes tiredly and blinked as she took a moment to study the room she was in. Star Wars sheets, a poster of Beavis and Butthead, and a Spongebob Squarepants alarm clock greeted her gaze as she fought back a snort.

Waking up in Wally's bedroom was always an interesting way to start the morning.

_Speak of the sexy devil. _Linda thought to herself as her boyfriend's light snoring reached her ears. She looked over and saw Wally lying by her side, the covers kicked off and his glow-in-the-dark Scooby Doo boxers providing light in the dark room they were in.

"Wally, are you awake?" She yawned.

"Gfmslf."

"Wally?"

"Mm...Aunt Iris, I said I wanted the red balloon..."

"Wally, look! There're waffles in here!" Linda lied, reverting to the only true way to awaken any member of the Flash family.

"Good, I'll have thirty." The redhead smiled, now fully awake and alert as he looked around the room in search of the mythical waffles he desired. "Linda, I don't see any."

"That's because they're not real, hon." Linda smirked as she stretched her arms over her head.

"Why on Earth would you lie about such a thing?" Wally gaped.

"You said to wake you up in the morning for an appointment you had with Roy."

Ah, now he remembered. The former Speedy had called him up last night and asked to meet him in Central City Park for 'important business', whatever that meant.

Wally secretly hoped he was referring to the two of them getting back at stupid Dick for dying their uniforms rainbow and sending them on a mission on Gay Pride Day and making everyone think the two of them were partners, and not the Batman and Robin kind.

Although come to think of it a grown man inviting a little boy into a cave to live with him and making him wear a weird swimsuit with no legs while they played acrobats didn't sound like the type of partners Lewis and Clark were, but maybe they had discovered more than just the west coast of America while they were together...

He shook his head of perverted jokes and turned his attention back to the beautiful Vietnamese woman lying in his bed. "So," He grinned, smiling as seductively as possible, "Did you know one of my powers is making my body vibrate? _Every _part of my body?"

Linda smirked at the cheesy grin on his face and the wiggle of his eyebrows, "Okay, big man. But that little thing about being the 'Fastest Man Alive'? Well, let's just say I know more about that than anyone else in the universe."

"Hey!" He cried indignantly, "Perverted jokes about my powers which I use to help little children and puppies are not appreciated, Ms. Park."

"Me? You started it!"

"Now, now, now Linda, playing the blame game never gets anything accomplished."

"Oh, shove it." She huffed, elbowing his chest as she rolled over. "I can't believe the guy I woke up to humping my back like a dog in heat in his sleep is accusing _me_of being a pervert."

He couldn't resist the opportunity, "Who says I was asleep?"

Linda put up an admirable battle to stop the smile on her face from showing, but in the end she lost. "Go hang out with your partner, hot shot. I'm pretty sure he's been missing his rainbow buddy lately."

"That is so _not _funny."

"I thought it was along with Dick, Beast Boy, and the rest of the Titans." She said with a tiny smirk, "But I don't know, after that whole display of your pride maybe I shouldn't let you guys hang out anymore. I'd hate to see you leave me for Roy."

"Shut up!"

"You're right." A pause, "If you ever left me for another man it would be Batman."

"Oh, gross!" Wally gagged, "Ew, oh hell Linda, really? You know the guy scares the crap out of me!"

"Exactly. Now go run along to your play-date with Roy before I make a joke about what Batman could do to you with his utility belt, or even better John with his power ring..."

"You're a sick woman."

"I try."

* * *

><p>Roy tapped his foot impatiently as he awaited the newest Flash's arrival at the diner he was seated in.<p>

He stared out the booth's window at the lovely, clean, chipper Central City and thought about how unbelievably more safe it looked compared to Gotham or Bludhaven. Wally might have been a goof, but he was a goof doing one hell of a job to keep his city in pristine condition.

"Sorry I'm late, Linda was harassing me again." Wally offered as an excuse as he slid across from his old friend on the booth.

"Oh, really?" Roy asked, "What was she teasing you about?"

"Remember how Dick pranked us last year by dying our uniforms rainbow and sending us on a mission together on Gay Pride Day?" Wally asked wearily, "It was that."

"Yeah, I do." Roy agreed, "But it backfired for him. I ended up meeting these two bisexual chicks and we had a three-way at my house."

"_What_?" Wally gaped in disbelief, "I was hit on by two fat men and an old dude with a redhead fetish!"

Roy's lips twitched into a smile, "I know. Remember how not one person on the Watch Tower or any of the Titans was surprised? They all congratulated you on finally admitting it."

"Well if I remember correctly everyone also said that they were happy you came out of the closet so your _real _relationship with Ollie could go public!" The redhead rebutted.

Roy winced, "Touché. Enough with the gay jabs from both of us, alright?"

"Deal."

"So when do I get to meet this Linda lady?" Roy asked, "She sounds pretty cool."

"Well you can see her if you want." Flash answered gesturing up to where a television was located on a far wall. "This was the report from last night. I think it was about socks or something."

Ollie's ward studied the woman taking in her black hair, small brown eyes, olive skin, and most importantly her chest. "Not bad, West. A little lacking in the breasts for my taste, but the legs make up for it. Nothing compared to Donna or Cassie or any of the women in the whole vigilante community, but pretty good as far as citizens go."

"Thanks for the critique." Wally replied dryly, "So why am I here again?"

"Because-"

"May I take your order?"

Roy looked up at the obese woman standing before him. He inwardly cringed at the mole on her cheek and the light trace of aftershave on her middle-aged face. "I'm sorry, could you come back later? I was having a conversation with my friend here."

"That would be me." Wally clarified with a little wave.

"If ya' gonna sit here, doll, ya' gotta order. It's the policy."

"We _will_, but not _now_."

"If you don't order now Imma have to ask ya' to leave." Her beady eyes looked the two over, "Shame, see'n how _tasty _ya' boys look."

_Of course. _Wally thought bitterly as he sank into his seat, _I finally get hit on by a waitress and I get stuck with Rosie O'Donnell. _"I'll take a coffee with cream and twenty-six sugars."

"Huh?"

"Woman are you deaf?" Roy snapped, "He said cream and twenty-six sugars!"

"No need to be rude." The woman scowled, "I'll be back soon."

"Can't wait." Wally muttered to himself as she walked away. "So why am I here?"

"Ollie asked me to be his best man at his wedding." Roy explained, "Unfortunately, this little job includes planning his bachelor party."

"And this is a bad thing _how_? You have the opportunity to plan a wedding for a billionaire playboy and spend as much money as possible while going completely out and you're sitting in front of me _complaining_? What happened to the Roy I used to know?"

"He realized all the heroes at least five years older than him were assholes."

"Aw, come on. Don't you have a soft spot for Dinah?"

"...Okay, _mostly _everyone over ten." He conceded, "But Dinah barely counts, I mean she's practically my mother. Except, you know, a mother with great tits who can kill a man by shouting at him."

"She does have a nice body. But I like Linda's better."

"That's because you have an Asian fetish."

"Huh?"

"Think about it; Linda's Vietnamese, Jinx was from the Himalaya's and trained there, the lady you always hit on in the bar was Korean; face it man you've got a fetish."

"Wha-No! If I had a fetish it would be fee-Never mind." Wally grumbled, "So what's the problem with throwing a bachelor party?"

"I don't want to and I don't really know how to." Roy sighed, "We're going to need women, obviously, but I can't think of anything else. Will you help me?"

"Are you going to help me get back at Dick for screwing us over with our uniforms?"

"Only if you babysit Lian next week."

Wally thought it over, "Deal."

* * *

><p>A few states over in Gotham city, Helena Bertinelli was currently sprawled out on her kitchen table swarmed with sheets of paper crumpled about as she furiously scribbled away on a notepad.<p>

She paused for a moment and looked up with a frown as she pondered her train of thought. From across the kitchen Q caught sight of her face and asked, "What?"

"How much do you think male strippers go for these days?"

Vic stared at her as though she had suddenly announced Elvis had come back from the dead. He decided for once that it would be better just not to ask _why _she wanted to know that particular tidbit of information since there was a 94% chance (he had done the math) he wouldn't like the answer one bit. He went with the next best thing to a question and said, "How the hell would I know that?"

"You know _everything_, Q, talking to you is like reading Wikipedia and watching 60 minutes all at once." Helen shrugged, "I just thought you'd know."

"Why on Earth would I keep track of how much male strippers charge?" He frowned, "On what occasion could I _possibly _need to know that?"

"I don't know, Vic. Why do you know how much Walmart makes in tax returns every year? Why do you know what an aglet is? Why do you know _anything _remotely abnormal that you'll probably never use?"

"It's necessary for my work with the Conspiracy."

"And seeing how much male strippers cost is part of mine as Dinah's maid of honor." Helena rebutted triumphantly, "So ha!"

"Hurm. I pity the man who has the nerve or mental condition to date you. Oh, wait..."

"You're funny." Helen scowled, "But seriously, how much?"

Vic rolled his eyes and turned back to the Conspiracy board to finish his study on the effects of Tylenol on children's mind and what the medicine -if one could call it that with a straight face- _really _did.

He pitied the poor man in a leopard print Speedo at the clutches of Dinah and her bridesmaid's horny hands almost as much as he pitied Ollie's wallet.

* * *

><p><strong>AN So I'm curious as to who everyone wants to see at the bachelor/bachelorette parties. Obviously there's going to be Wally, Helena, Vic, and Roy, but who else would you like to see?**

**A/N Review please!**


	4. Preparations

**A/N I own nothing, all characters belong to DC and Warner Bros.**

**A/N So, I was having a little chat with a reader and learned something pretty darn interesting: though Ollie is constantly being picked on by almost every writer on the site (including me) for being a cheater, he's only cheated on Dinah once. I don't know about you, but I thought it was way more than that. Is he a womanizer? Yes. But a cheating jackass? Not so much. Go figure.**

**Thanks for the reviews!**

* * *

><p>"But Barbara, you <em>have <em>to come to my party." Dinah complained into her phone, "It won't be a party if you're not there!"

_"I told you, Di, I can't go." _The redheaded woman replied, _"I'm busy on a mission with Tim and the Titans."_

"Oh, are you guys fighting Slade or something?"

_"I wish. The Titans decided to go out for drinks after a battle, got drunk, and then got arrested for underage drinking."_

"Seriously?"

_"Serious as physics, my friend. So I, being the fabulous person that I am, have to go bail them out before Beast Boy turns into a rhino to try and stomp Tinkerbell and Tim gives up Bruce's identity."_

"Who's paying bail?" Dinah asked curiously, "Is it you or Dick or-"

_"Bruce, of course." _Barbara snorted, _"I told him if he makes me bail out his ward those photos of the cooking accident he had with Alfred are going viral."_

"I thought blackmailing Bats was Catwoman's thing?"

_"No, you're confusing blackmailing with flirting to get away with thievery." _Babs quipped, _"Anyways, I have to go. I'll still be at the wedding, I promise. But right now I'm needed to save the next generation of heroes from the clutches of cops."_

"God help us when they grow up."

_"Please, Beast Boy and Cyborg will never grow up. Bye Dinah."_

"Bye Barbara."

Dinah sighed as she hung up her black cell phone in dismay. From across the room Ollie, who had been fixing his tie, looked up at his fiancé in concern. "What's wrong?"

"Barbara can't come; she has to bail out the Teen Titans."

"What'd they do?"

"Underage drinking."

"Poor kids." Ollie sympathized, "They can save the world and risk their lives but if they want to go for a drink after they get arrested. Tough world."

"I don't care about them! Well, I do, but I care more that Barbara isn't going to be here!" Dinah exclaimed, "Even Diana, who never goes to parties and is a virgin, is coming! But Babs, one of my closest friends, isn't. It just seems so wrong."

"It's wrong because you're focusing on the bad side, Pretty Bird." Oliver smiled as he rested his hands on her shoulders, "Think of the good things: Helena's planning it so you know it's going to be dirty fun, all your other friends are going, J'onn gave us the day off, and Kara's going to cover for you while you're away. But you know the best part?"

"What?"

"After we finish these little parties of ours you and I are going to be stuck on an island on the Caribbean all alone." He whispered into her ear, "Just you, me, and a bottle of coconut oil."

"Darn." Dinah sighed, "I wanted to bring my lingerie, but if it's just supposed to be you me and coconut oil..."

"Uh, maybe we can make an exception to what we're bringing." Ollie said quickly, "It's not like lingerie takes up too much room, after all."

"Good, that will leave room for my hair dryer, makeup bag, and clothes." She smiled brightly, "I was afraid I was going to have to leave it all behind."

"You tricked me!"

"No I didn't." Dinah said giving him a motherly pat on the cheek, "I'm just better at negotiating than you."

"Hence why we have three closets all full of your clothes. None of which were on sale, of course."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"If you were such a good negotiator why couldn't you get them cheaper?"

"Because, Oliver, I was too happy to be buying them then to be concerned about something as silly as the price." She pouted her lower lip and batted her eyelashes, "Don't you like it when I'm happy?"

He felt his resolve melt like butter when she did that, much to his disliking. Ollie had always been like putty when it came to woman (unless he was bedding them, in which case he was hard as a rock) and Dinah was no exception. "Of course I do, Pretty Bird. I'm only happy if my lady's happy."

"I'm glad you said that. You see I know I was only supposed to pack a small bag but Gucci was having a sale and..."

Ollie watched her list of what she planned on bringing grow and grow along with his dismay. At this rate he'd have to hire another plane just for her luggage.

It was one of the many times where he wished he had more resolve when it came to beautiful women.

* * *

><p>An annoying buzzing sound reached Helena's sleeping ears prompting her to awaken and begin swearing heavily.<p>

"Where the hell is that damned phone?" She grumbled to herself. "Vic! Where's my cell phone?"

The slumbering redhead beside her offered a noncommittal grunt in response and rolled over on his side muttering something about the evils that were Oreos and attempted to fall back asleep.

"Oh no you don't!" Helen snapped, smacking him on the shoulder hard enough to bruise. "Victor Sage, you better tell me where my phone is right now!"

"Jean pocket." Q yawned, sitting up and nursing his sore shoulder. "Thank you for the bruise, by the way. It should look stunning coupled with those scars on my back from your nails."

"Like you didn't love getting them." She smirked, but it quickly turned into a scowl as she leaped out of the couple's bed and began rummaging around the bedroom. "Where the hell are my jeans?"

Vic shrugged and lay back down on the bed, pulling the covers up to his shoulders and preparing to fall asleep as his girlfriend raced around the room like a chicken without a head.

"Q, where the hell are my jeans?"

"Shouldn't you know that? After all, they're yours."

"Well you were the one taking them off last night!"

A pause as he contemplated it. Then, "Living room couch."

Without a thank you she grabbed an over-sized T-shirt and threw it over her body as she bolted towards the living room. Another series of curses escaped her lips as she rammed her pinky toe against the corner of a wall.

"Don't you sound chipper this morning." Q commented from the bedroom.

"Screw you!"

"You did last night."

Resisting the urge to give him a good smack on the head Helena flew into the living room and began to search blindly for her jeans. She finally spotted them laying in a crumpled heap and without a second thought fell to her knees and began to dig around for her phone.

When she finally had the purple Droid in her hands she brushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear and said, "Hello?"

_"Helena! Were you sleeping?"_

"No, I was freak'n skydiving." Helen shot sarcastically, "Why the hell are you calling me so early in the morning?"

_"Because I know how late you sleep during summer vacation and wanted to make sure you were up and getting ready for my party tonight." _Dinah explained calmly. _"So are you up?"_

"Well I sure as hell am not talking to you in my sleep! What a blonde."

_"Shut up and get ready. Seven hours should be just enough for you to prepare."_

"Seven hours?" She repeated in disbelief, "It takes me fifteen minutes tops to get ready in the morning."

_"That's nice but since it's a special occasion it should take you a little longer."_

"True. Alright, I'll see you tonight. Bye, Dinah."

_"Good-bye."_

Helen hung up her phone with a satisfying click and trudged back into her bedroom. "Who was that?" Vic asked as she slipped inside the room and headed towards their bed.

"Dinah. She called to remind me that her party is tonight and that seven hours should give me just enough time to prepare."

"Seven hours? It takes you the amount of time it takes to fly from Florida to Alaska to get dressed?" He asked, "Women."

"Like men are so much better. Are you ready for Ollie's little get-together tonight?"

"Hurm, if by ready you mean prepared to be seduced by hookers and prostitutes, participate in activities encouraged by the Illuminati, and drink myself until I can't feel my own body then no, I'm not.

"Well I am." Helena announced as she flopped onto the bed and crawled over to her boyfriend's side. "I need a break from all the crap we normally go through on a daily basis, especially when we're in uniform."

"I suppose." Q conceded, "But in the meantime it would seem we have some spare time on our hands." He pulled her on top of him and rested his hands on her thighs, "Whatever shall we do with it?"

Helena looked down at him and suggested innocently, "We could talk about when our own wedding is going to be."

Vic froze and stared at her in horror. Though his blood had turned cold he found himself beginning to sweat. "...What?"

"Our wedding, baby doll." She cocked her head innocently to the side, "You do plan to marry me, don't you?"

"...Um..." His mind went blank as he searched for a decent reply. "...Walmart's been using their low prices as a lure consumers in and buy their cheap products that pay for Corporate America's plans!"

"I'm kidding!" She laughed, "Lucky for you, too! Your response sucked. Quoting a conspiracy, really?"

"Sorry, when my girlfriend suddenly begins to babble about marriage I tend to draw a blank." Vic scowled, "Don't ever joke about that again."

"Never?"

"Never."

"...Never as in until you buy me a diamond ring?"

"Helena!"

* * *

><p>The Watchtower was silent save the noise of gloved fingers flying across a keyboard as Diana entered the room.<p>

"You wanted to see me, Bruce?"

"It's Batman when I'm wearing the cowl, Princess. How many times must I tell you that?" Batman frowned as she strode towards him.

She glared at him and placed her hands on her hips, "Sorry, _Batman_. Sometimes I get a little too caught up with saving the world, ruling my people, and being a diplomat. I apologize if remembering not to call you by your birth name slips my mind."

"Don't let it happen again."

"Hmph." Diana huffed, "I take it you didn't call for me so we could sit here making conversation, did you?"

"No, I called you here in regards to the wedding of Ollie and Dinah."

She sucked in her breath. Was he asking her to go with him? Had the idiot finally realized after all these years that she, the most beautiful woman in the world, wanted to be more than friends?

"What about you and I and Dinah and Ollie's wedding?" Diana asked casually leaning up against the control panel and striking the most seductive pose she could manage.

"Well I was going to-...Why are you standing like that?" Bruce frowned, "You look like you have to go to the bathroom."

"No reason." She muttered feeling humiliated. No wonder her people were against men, just look what they made women do!

"Right...But back to what I called you for. You're planning to attend the Queen's wedding, correct?"

"Yes."

"And you don't want to see anything bad happen to them, correct?"

"Yes." Her heart pounded in her chest in anticipation. _Come on, Bruce! Ask me, Hera dammit!_

"I need you to go to Dinah's bachelorette party and make sure it doesn't get out of hand." Bruce said tonelessly.

"...Excuse me?"

"I need for you to supervise Dinah's little party while I do the same for Oliver's." Bats repeated, "I would've had Babs do it but she's got her hands full with the Teen Titans."

"You called me here to ask me to stake out a party?" Diana frowned, "Why in Hera's name would I do that?"

"Oliver isn't exactly famous for his will when it comes to women." Bruce explained, "He loves Dinah and I don't doubt that, but I don't want him to feel too tempted during his last few hours of bachelorhood. I'm going to tag along so to speak to keep an eye on him."

"What does this have to do with Dinah?"

"I want you to go to her celebration and do the same. I trust them both but when it comes to alcohol and strippers everyone tends to get a little crazy. Especially if Helena's going to be there."

"I see." She nodded, "But is that all you have to ask me?"

"No, one more question."

Diana inwardly breathed a sigh of relief. Thank Hera he was going to ask her now. After so many years of being patient Bruce would finally get his act together and ask her to go to the Queens wedding together. "Yes, Bruce?"

"Do you have your own surveillance equipment or do you need to borrow mine?"

"..."

"What?"

* * *

><p>John Stewart slid on his black boots and adjusted his power ring as he sat on the foot of his bed.<p>

"John are you ready to-Oh, come on!" His girlfriend exclaimed as she saw him slide on his uniform "John, you promised!"

"I said I'd go to Queen's party if I wasn't busy."

"So why aren't you going?"

"Because I'm busy."

"John!" Mari cried, "What are you busy doing?"

"Patrol."

"Are you serious?"

"Of course." John replied, "Mari, when am I ever not serious?"

"Apparently never."

The accusation in her voice went unnoticed by the ex-Marine as he continued, "Exactly. Why does it even matter if I don't go to this stupid party? It's not like Ollie and I are great friends or anything."

"Would it kill you to miss patrol just once?"

"It's not me I'm worried about, Mari. I'm afraid someone else will get hurt."

"Ah, I see." She lied. "Well, I have to get going. Have fun patrolling while I watch men in Speedos do the wiggle."

"What?"

"It's when they wiggle their dicks around, Hon. It's not that hard of a concept." Mari explained politely.

"Why the hell would you want to watch that?" John exclaimed.

"Because, John, it's nice to see a guy who's bigger than three inches every now and again." Mari snapped as she headed for the door. And with that statement in mid-air, she exited the room with a slam.

* * *

><p>"You ready yet?"<p>

Vic ignored the question and stood in front of the mirror with a scowl on his face as he tried to tie his tie. One would think that after wearing one everyday for almost five years he would have been able to do it in his sleep, but Q had so much on his mind he could never fully concentrate on anything but the Conspiracy.

Helena walked up behind him and touched his back, "What's on your mind?"

"Hookers, the Conspiracy, the truth about butter, you, this damned tie, and Oliver." He replied in one breath, "Do I have to go? Doing so seems so...trivial."

"Sorry babe, you have to go." Helen told him as she fixed her hair and puckered her lips. "We need someone to watch Ollie, after all."

"I suppose. But why can't Bruce just do it?"

"How the hell should I know? Aren't you supposed to be the master of knowledge or something?"

Q fought back the first answer that popped into his head and tried to concentrate on his tie. He knew Bruce was only going so he could watch Ollie and make sure the archer behaved himself, but he also knew Helena was going to force him to go against his will.

Though he had certainly endured things worse than a billionaire playboys party, Vic would have been a hell of a lot happier sitting home and going over Conspiracy notes. Or better yet spying on the women and making sure Helena behaved herself as well. It wasn't that he didn't trust her, because Q did. No, he was worried because he knew there would be drinking going on and Helena had mentioned male strippers.

He remembered a story Ollie told him about an ex-girlfriend he'd had in college when he was younger. According to Queen things had been going pretty great until she cheated on him with a dwarf stripper.

Having his girlfriend get drunk and sleep with a midget wearing a cowboy hat wasn't on Vic's list of things to do this week.

"Helena..."

"Yes?"

"Please don't sleep with a midget stripper this weekend."

"Um, I'll try to control that urge to do so." Helena blinked, unsure of how to respond.

Sometimes she wondered just what went through that man's head.

* * *

><p>"Well doesn't someone look sexy tonight?" Ollie whistled as Dinah sauntered into the room.<p>

She smirked at him and placed a hand on her hip, "I'd better. Do you know how long it takes me to look like this?"

Ollie checked his watch and frowned, "Apparently too long. We're going to be late."

Dinah gave him a quick kiss on the cheek to which he responded by giving a cheek of her own a little squeeze. Dinah smacked his hand away and grinned, "Not that cheek, dummy. The one on my face."

He smiled an insufferable little smirk, "You want me to kiss them both so it's even?"

"Pervert." She laughed, "Ollie...you promise you're going to behave yourself, right? I know how you get with women sometimes and I-"

He put a finger over her lips and kissed her hand. "Don't worry, pretty lady. This guy's got some self control, you know."

"I know."

"Good." He replied giving her one last kiss before stepping away. "I'll see you later!"

The last thing he saw before being teleported away was Dinah waving good-bye as his molecules were ripped apart and put back together at the speed of light. When he opened his green eyes he found himself staring at the grinning face of Wally West, a scowling Bruce Wayne getting lectured on just who _really _made his suit by an unmasked Vic Sage, Roy Harper attempting to smile and doing a decent job of it, Greg Saunders humming a tune under his breath, and Ted Grant telling him to cut the country crap.

"Hey, Ollie's here!" Wally cried as he ran over to the blonde man in a blur. "Hey buddy, what's up? Got any food on you by any chance? I mean rich people always have food on them."

"Not rich women, have you seen those skinny little bodies?" Roy piped up, "Paris Hilton looks like a walking skeleton."

"Well I, being a man, happen to have a candy bar." Ollie chuckled as he dug the bar out of his pocket and handed it to Wally. "Here you go."

The redhead looked over the bar and balked. "Sugar-free no-carb extra-protein glutton grams? What the hell is this!"

"They're a new company making candy bars that are not only better for your health but the environment." Ollie explained proudly, "Queen Industries is going to mass produce them."

"Don't count on selling a ton." Roy muttered under his breath.

"Hm...The candy offers no desirable flavor at all yet is still manufactured and purchased because of its 'environmentally friendly' claims." Vic murmured to himself, "Has to be a Conspiracy by EPA, it has to be."

"I didn't know the 'green' in Green Arrow was referring to veggies and health nut food." Wally muttered, "I have to say I lost a lot of respect for you, Queen."

"Shut up, West."

Oh yes, tonight would be an interesting one to say the least.

* * *

><p>Dinah Lance glanced around in search for her guests as she made her way down the street of a crowded Las Vegas road.<p>

Maybe this whole thing was a mistake. What if no one showed up? Or worse what if everyone showed up and had an awful time? Oh God, what if this whole thing ended up being a disaster?

_Get a grip on yourself, Dinah. Everything will be okay. And you know what? Even if it this party blows you can just kill anyone who says it. Yeah, it'll be fine. Just threaten everyone to have a good time or die._

The thought cheered her up slightly as she impatiently tapped her foot. Finally, after a series of homicidal thoughts and glances at her watch, she saw a figure in a top hat walk up to her.

"Dinah? Is that you?" Zatanna asked curiously.

"Of course it is! Who else would it be?" Dinah exclaimed.

"Well this _is_ Vegas." The sorceress shrugged, "We have hookers, strippers, exotic dancers, cocktail waitresses, and just plain skanks running around with blonde hair and short dresses."

"...You thought I was a stripper?"

"Of course not!" A pause. "I thought you were a hooker."

"Hey!"

"Oh come on, Di." Zee frowned, "You spend half your time running around in black leather, fishnets, and a corset. Are you really going to tell me this is the first time you've been mistaken for a hooker?"

"Yes!"

"Oh." Zatanna blinked. "Huh, I guess I'm sorry, then. But what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at your party?"

"You mean we're not meeting up somewhere?" Dinah asked in confusion.

"No. Huh, I guess that's why everyone's wondering where you are."

"What?"

"Helena said forgetting to come to your own party must have been a blonde thing, but Diana was worried you got kidnapped or something." Zee continued, "You might want to get over there soon."

"Go _where_?" Dinah cried.

Zatanna rolled her eyes in the universal 'what a blonde' gesture and took out her wand. She waved it around the two twice and said firmly, "ecalaP lartneC tsaE eht!"

Moments later the two women were standing in front of a building baring the name Grand Central East Palace. "Wow." Dinah murmured, impressed by the building. "Helena wasn't kidding when she said this place would blow you away."

"You and your fiancé's wallet." Zee smirked, "Come on, I want to get inside so I can flirt with the waiters before they see Diana."

At Dinah's stare she simply shrugged. "What can I say? Men kind of go crazy for the most beautiful woman in the world. Hm, maybe I should unbutton a few buttons on my outfit."

Dinah closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and prayed that tonight wouldn't end in drunken disaster.

* * *

><p><strong>AN Pretty much everything up until this point has been leading up to the main plot with a little bit of humor. Next chapter is when we get down to business and this fic really begins to get good *evil smirk*.**

**A/N Reviews are always appreciated:)**


	5. The Never Ending Chapter

**A/N I own nothing, all characters belong to DC and Warner Bros.**

**A/N Like I said, there will be some content in this chapter that leans more towards the M rating. No awkwardly explicit sex scene that makes you want to rape a refrigerator or get some therapy, just some more adult-like humor. Enjoy:) **

**Thanks for taking the time to review!**

* * *

><p>"Ah, see this is how you know a bachelor party is going to be great!" Roy exclaimed enthusiastically as he stared at the blaring neon lights. "Strip clubs!"<p>

"Hurm, nothing more than slimy virgins indulging in lust." Vic muttered.

Roy grinned, "Sounds like Comic Con."

Wally glared at them both. "Hey, no need to pick on the great convention!"

"Can we just haul our tails in there already?" Ted asked, "I wanna make sure the old lion can still roar if you know what I mean."

"That partner is just plain dee-sgusti'n." Vig balked, his face contorting in repulsion.

"Hey! Let's see if you can still scratch a cat so to speak when you're my age!"

"If it's bugging you so much I'll buy you a whole container of Viagra after this." Ollie offered.

"Well how's that gonna help me now?"

"This is getting really awkward really quick." Wally whispered to Roy who nodded in agreement.

"Why are we talking about Ted's ED anyways?"

"That is the question." Murmured Q.

Bruce glared at them all and crossed his arms over his chest. "I think a better question is why are all of you so-called men standing around here talking about an elderly man's penis when there's a building the size of a football stadium filled with half-naked women willing to please you however you want ten feet away."

"Who you calling elderly, Mr. Stick-up-his-ass?"

"Bruce is right." Ollie agreed, "Ted, as fascinating as your inability to shall we say salute is I'd rather be ogling me a nice pair of breasts. Gentlemen, is anyone with me?"

A murmur of agreement rippled through the group of men prompting them to head towards the building while Ted muttered about the sheer audacity today's younger men had. When they finally reached the entrance it took everything Ollie had not to breathe everything in.

Oliver loved the smell of lube, sex, and glitter at night.

Roy eagerly craned his neck to get a good look at the women there and most importantly just how naked they were getting. The former Speedy noted to himself quite happily that this was one of _those _strip clubs. There were ten foot poles coming from the ceiling and women dancing shamelessly everywhere.

His glee with how filthy tonight was going to be was short-lived when his eyes glanced over to Wally. Roy had expected to see the redhead absolutely giddy with sexual glee and eyeing every piece of meat inside, but instead the self-proclaimed ladies man looked as though someone had told him Bruce Lee had beaten Chuck Norris.

In other words, he was completely stunned.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"There's-There's women here, _naked_!" Wally sputtered, "Wha-What the hell is this?"

"It's a strip club." Ollie explained patiently. "You know where people, well, strip."

"As in their _clothes_?"

"Well they sure as hell ain't peeling off no damn squirrels!" Greg snapped.

Ollie chose to ignore the cowboy's remark and instead turned to his flustered companion. He looked Wally over and raised an eyebrow, "What exactly did you think went on in strip clubs, Wally?"

"I don't know! Like, spin the bottle or something!" The young redhead squeaked, "Cut me some slack, man, I only found out what a vibrator is last month!"

"Oh did you?"

"Yes, it's a vibrating device women use to warm up their thighs." Wally recited proudly.

"...Should we tell him?" Ollie asked Bruce. The other billionare simply shook his head and sighed.

"How old are you, kid?" Ted asked in confusion. If the that damned liberal smuggled a minor in here Ted didn't care whether the blonde was marrying Dinah or not. If they all were arrested because they snuck a horny, clueless teenager in here he was going to kick Queen's ass.

"I'll be twenty-one soon."

"Yeah, soon as in ten months." Roy snorted.

"Oh, shut up!"

"A strip club is an establishment where people, though usually men, go watch other people, usually women, unclothe themselves and dance erotically." Vic lectured. He couldn't help but feel it was his duty as a redhead to help a fellow brother in need, and Wally West was desperately lacking proper information. "They're most frequently visited by married men being held out on, the rich, or party boys in search of an easy score. Though they seem all fine and dandy to the hormonal, untrained eye but if you look closer are actually collective units for stealing semen."

As Wally's eyes widened in horror Vic continued, "While watching beautiful women seduce you men normally can't help themselves and end up taking care of business so to speak right in their seats. Once they leave the so-called janitors who are really secret agents for an elite branch of government come and collect it off the floor. After your semen has been collected it is used for cloning, DNA mutations, and horrific experiments and all starts because some horny male isn't getting as much as he'd like."

"...They do what?" Wally whimpered. What the hell had Ollie brought them all here for? This place was trying to jack his little tadpoles!

"Ignore him, please." Arrow sighed. "Vic, knock it off with the wacko talk. Wally, do you like naked women?"

"Duh."

"Then shut up and enjoy this."

"Fine." Wally muttered, still flustered.

"Alright, before you all start drooling can we get a table in the back?" Roy asked. "I'm in charge of this bachelor party so I want to do it right. We all give Ollie our crap-uh, presents and then we have a couple drinks and see some tits."

"Sounds like a mighty good time." Vig grinned.

"Okay, but hurry up man this place has women, _naked _women!" Flash exclaimed, "How have I never heard of these things before?"

"Suppose supplying the spoiled rich boy with even more things will be necessary." Vic sighed. "Fine, just as long as I get my beer."

"And I get my scotch." Wildcat added.

"I think even I'm going to need a few shots before this is all over." Bruce admitted as they all followed Roy to a table in the back.

Ollie plopped down at the head of a large, beaten down wooden table and grinned. Sure he was a grown man who had everything he could possibly want but, well...

He wanted his presents, damn it.

Not that he would ever admit it aloud. Bruce already teased him about being a toddler in the body of a teenage boy anyways. Besides, he bet Roy knew it too by the way he was smirking.

"Alright, let's get this show on the road!" The Emerald Archer announced, slamming his hand against the table and grinning. "Who wants to go first?"

"Jeez, Ollie, calm down." Wally snickered. "People are going to think you're like a naive kid or something."

"Yes, well I'll try to control myself." Ollie replied with a roll of his eyes. Sometimes he swore Wally did these things on purpose.

"I'll start." Roy said as he slid his hand into his pocket and pulled out a small box. "Here you go, Oliver. This doesn't mean I forgive you or anything, but I thought these would really come in handy."

Ollie eagerly tore off the wrapping like a child opening a toy on Christmas. As he realized what was in the box he smiled. "Condoms? Really, Roy?"

"Yeah, I figure their personal but not to personal." Roy explained, "Plus your sperm's like freaking bullets, man. You're going to need them."

"What are the odds of that?" Ted exclaimed with a laugh as he handed Ollie his own gift. The blonde man grinned and proceeded to reenact the previous scene. The only difference was where he had found Roy's gift amusing, this seemed odd.

"...You bought me condoms too, Ted?"

"Great minds think alike, I guess." He shrugged. "Besides, look at all your little bastards running around. You need these more than all of Africa combined!"

"Guess so." Ollie chuckled. "You're up, Wally."

The newest Flash remained uncharacteristically silent as he handed Ollie his gift. The odd spell of quietness was suddenly understood when Ollie opened the bow to reveal...

Yet another box of condoms.

"Heh, very funny." He laughed uncomfortably. "Did you all plan this as a joke?"

"No, I just thought you needed them." Wally admitted. "Roy told me about all the kids you've got, Ollie. I thought I'd try and help you."

Before Ollie could respond yet another gift was being shoved in his face. "Might as well get this over with." Q muttered, giving the wrapped bow to Oliver.

Ollie looked over the box and found it to be promisingly large. He looked at Vic unimpressed when he noticed the colorful wrapping around it. "Christmas wrapping paper in July? Glad to see you went all out."

"Quit complaining and just be grateful."

"Alright." Ollie snorted, his fingers eagerly peeling off the paper. This box was so much bigger and heavier than the rest. Sure Vic wasn't exactly famed for his amazing shopping skills, but the man was a detective. Detectives knew what people wanted.

Almost delirious with excitement, Ollie tore off the final scrap of paper...and scowled as he realized it was another box of condoms, this time super-sized.

At Oliver's glare Q merely shrugged. "What? Helena picked it out."

"Did anyone here get me something besides condoms?" Ollie snapped.

"Yeah!" Vig called.

"Thank God." Ollie breathed in relief. "What is it?"

"...A prescription for birth control."

Ollie smacked himself on his forehead. "As great as it to see my friends are so damn concerned about me reproducing I'll rephrase what I asked; did anyone get me anything that has nothing to do with me having children?"

"I did." Bruce piped up. To be honest a good, top-selling condom was the first thing that popped into his head when he thought about a present for Queen, but after discovering everyone else was giving Ollie them he decided not to.

Well, that and Alfred said it was too impersonal.

"Whew." Arrow breathed, once again hopeful. "What did you get me?"

"A check."

All hope Ollie had possessed for getting a great present instantly vanished.

"Thanks for the gifts, very original." Queen sulked as he put them to the side.

"Well, look on the Brightside." Wally suggested, "You've got like a decade's worth of condoms. Think of all the sex you get to have with Dinah without worry!"

"Unless it breaks." Q chimed in.

"You are so not helping, man."

"Look, let's just go back out front and watch." Ollie sighed, "I'm in the mood for a lap dance."

"Oh, I wonder if they have Brazilian ones!" Wally smiled, "They sound so hot."

"How the hell do you know what a Brazilian lap dance is but not a strip club?" Roy wondered aloud in disbelief.

"Oh, shut up!"

"You're right; a much better question is how are you not a virgin?"

"Because of your mom, that's how!"

"My mother's dead."

Wally's face instantly fell in mortification and embarrassment. "Crap, I didn't mean-"

"Gotcha."

"Bastard."

* * *

><p>Twenty minutes later music pulsed through the joint with the sound of whistles and laughter as the group dissolved into separate pairs.<p>

"So how does this work?" Wally asked Roy. "Do we, like...whistle for them to come?"

"Wally, they may be bitches, but they're not complete animals. Well, aside from in bed of course." Roy smirked, "Try asking them."

"Asking them for what?"

"A lap dance, a striptease, some petting, whatever you want."

"Think I could get one to make me a quadruple cheeseburger for me butt naked?"

"Okay, _almost_anything." Roy corrected himself. He looked around the room in search of a female worthy of his flirtatious charms as Wally babbled on about getting Linda to cook for him naked. His eyes glanced over a hefty redhead in clothes that were far to revealing and onto a slim brunette in a leather mini skirt that showed of her toned ass perfectly.

Roy smiled and elbowed Wally in the ribs, nodding his head towards the young woman. "You see that one?"

"Miniskirt lady?"

"That's the one."

"What about her?"

"Let's go say hello."

"Alright." Wally agreed before the two headed over towards the woman. "Excuse me ma'am, but did you know there are 206 bones in the human body?" Roy asked as he stood in front of the surprised woman and placed his hands on her hips.

She looked up at him in surprise. "Really?"

"Yes." Roy grinned, pressing his body against her. "Care to have one more inside your body?"

"Pervert!" The woman, whose nametag read Roxanne, spat as she slapped Roy across the face.

"Ow! What the hell was that for?" Roy gasped as he cradled his aching cheek.

"Being a dirty ass!" Roxanne hissed, "What gives you the right to just walk up to me and start hitting on me?"

"Well, you _are_a hooker."

"So? Just 'cause you're a bastard doesn't mean you don't have feelings, does it?"

"Wait, what?"

"You think just because I wear leather, miniskirts, fishnets, and walk around without a top on I'm some kind of slut?"

"That's generally what it means!"

"Well I got news for you, buster!" She shrieked, "Some of us actually are here because me need money, not some slimy jerks dry humping us!"

"Aw jeez, we're really sorry." Apologized Wally sheepishly as he stared at the ground.

"Sor-This is a strip club!" Roy shouted, "She's a hooker! Don't apologize for hitting on her! That's why men go to these places, for some action!"

"It's men like you who have been keeping women down for centuries." Roxanne continued, "You only want us to cook, clean, and sleep with you! Don't you know how we have brains and feelings? We're people too!"

"People who are _supposed_to be hit on."

"At least your friend has the decency to apologize!" She snapped, "Do you have kids?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but yeah."

"Is it a girl?"

"Yes."

"How would you feel if some guys came up to her and began asking to sleep with her?"

"I think I'd be more concerned with the whole being a prostitute thing more."

"All these 'hot bitches' you're drooling over used to be sweet, innocent little girls." Roxanne lectured, "But men like you have turned them into tramps!"

"Roy, make her stop." Wally begged. He didn't want to think about little girls while staring at a giant pair of boobs; that was messed up pedophile stuff.

"Oh, enough with the feminist act." Roy barked, pulling Wally by the arm and tanking him away. "Way to go, West."

"Me? What did I do?"

"Every time I bring you somewhere I don't get laid." Roy complained, "What is it about you that make women want to slap your face? You got us a feminist rant from a hooker, Wally! How many men can do that?"

"You're the one who went up to her!"

"Don't try to blame it on someone else, Wally. That isn't healthy."

"But-But-!"

Roy shook his head and sighed, placing a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay, buddy. You can help it that women hate you."

"Gee, Roy, thanks."

From across the room Ted Grant, Greg Saunders, and Vic Sage were currently watching a group of women slide up and down poles. "Wonder if they know about what's in the grease they use for them." Vic murmured.

"How the hell have you stayed out of the loony bin for this long?" Ted wondered aloud. "Did you escape from Arkham or something?"

"Please. As if Batman could ever catch me."

"Ya'll are both nuts." Greg grinned, "Why ya'll sitti'n here maki'n small talk when ya' got these here women naked as a baby and willing?"

"I'm getting to it." Ted grumbled.

"I don't think I'll indulge in the Illuminati's trap tonight." Vic said, "I've avoided it so long doing so seems like a waste of effort."

"Don't want your girlfriend shooting your balls?"

"That has nothing to do with it."

"Why do I doubt that?"

"Probably for the same reason you wear a cup at all times."

"How the hell do you know that?"

"Like I'd tell you."

"How 'bout ya'll focus on getting laid." Vig suggested, "I dunno 'bout ya'll but my snake's itching to crawl way down a snake hole."

"Never use that analogy again." Vic shuddered.

"Back in my day we had pick-up lines. They worked pretty damn well."

"I had no idea Neanderthals knew how to speak, much less use pick-up lines." Q said innocently.

"You faceless son of a-"

"What 'bout them lines?" Greg asked in an attempt to keep them from fighting. "Say a few."

"My favorite one was, 'Being with you makes me feel like a Rubix cube; the longer we play the harder I'm getting'."

"That's...terrible."

"You got a better one, Mr. Answer Man?"

"I used to use a few back in college." Vic admitted somewhat ashamedly. "Looking back it's a wonder I ever got laid."

"It still's a wonder to me now."

"What were they, partner?"

"You're place or mine? Tell you what, let's flip a coin: head at my place, tail at yours." Vic began with a sigh as the other men laughed. "Or 'Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap, and we'll discuss the first think that pops up'. Though my favorite was always, 'Wanna go halves on a bastard?'"

"Heh, back in mah town we had a few, too." Greg smiled, "I always went with 'If you was a tree and I was a squirrel I'd hide mah nuts in you."

"Sounds...painful. Did it ever work?"

"Let's just say I ain't ever had no trouble be'n single when I was a young'n."

"Maybe then, kid, but I doubt saying that would work now." Ted frowned, "Times have changed since I was a kid. Cars go faster, the world got filthier, women got pickier-"

"Evolution occurred." Q added quietly.

"What did you just say, punk?"

"Nothing."

"I don't think they any different when it comes down to getting some of the sweet stuff." Greg opined, "How much you wanna bet I could use one ah mah old lines to get a romp in ah haystack?"

"I don't like the way you speak, but I do like what you're speaking." Ted grinned, "You wanna put some dough on this bet?"

"Sure thing, partner."

"Fifty smacks sound good to you?"

"Damn good."

Ted nodded and turned towards Vic, who had been observing them silently with a light frown on his unmasked face. "You want in on this too, Rorschach?"

"Think I'll pass, Catwoman."

"Bastard." Wildcat scowled, "Alright cowboy, go hit on..." He looked up and scanned the women in the area for one that would be in his favor. "her, the blond over there in the leather pants."

Vig studied for a moment. "Sounds doable. Later, compadre."

"Can't believe he's gonna do it. Can you, Question? Question?"

Ted turned around and frowned in puzzlement. Where had the redheaded bastard gone? After a moment of frantic neck craning to see if he could find him, Ted gave up. He had money riding on the cowboy's crappy lines being unable to pick up women and needed to devote his entire attention span to making sure he didn't cheat.

He watched as Vig slowly approached the woman, his hands buried in his jacket pockets and his back straight and firm. When he reached the woman he smiled widely an introduced himself by offering her his hand. Ted began to feel worry creep up in the base of his spine when Greg slid an arm around her waist and she giggled, rubbing against him.

Damn it. If he'd just lost his fifty bucks he was going to blow one hell of a gasket.

As Greg bent down and whispered something into the woman's ear her dark red lips widened into a bleached grin and she nodded eagerly. "Good." Ted heard Vigilante chuckle. "Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see."

The woman snorted and kissed him on the cheek, tilting her chin up to whisper something in his ear. Ted felt anger boil through him and more importantly his wallet as the two headed towards the back room and Vig turned around, smiled, and flashed him a thumbs up.

Damn that country bumpkin to hell!

"Um, excuse me, but you look really familiar." A woman in her early twenties said as she peered down at him. "Do I know you?"

"You talking to me, lady?"

"Hey, you're Ted Grant, aren't you? The Boxer?"

Wildcat looked at her in surprise. "Sure am. How'd a young thing like you hear about an old timer like me?"

"My Daddy used to talk about you all the time." She explained, "I went to a few of your matches when I was a little girl. Xtacy! Trixie! Ted Grant's here!"

"You mean, like, the kitty cat guy?" A young woman, Trixie, asked in confusion. "Aren't you, like, a firefighter?"

"No you idiot, he's a boxer." Another one in a tight leather top snapped. "Please excuse my retarded friend Trixie over here, she's a total ditz. I'm Xtacy, by the way."

The first woman, Chrystal, smiled and pushed Ted onto a couch. "You seem so tense, boxer-man. Aren't fighters supposed to be really good at cutting loose and pounding into things relentlessly?"

Ted understood what the three women were implying instantly. Hey, he might have been old, but he wasn't a complete retard. "Damn straight we do. Would the three of you women like to find out?"

"You're going to fight us!" Squeaked Trixie, "That's so mean! All we wanted to do was have sex with you, mister!"

"You're a freak'n dumbass, you know that?" Xtasy scowled.

"Why don't you ladies stop fighting and sit next to Daddy?" Ted suggested as he sat back on the couch and rested his arms up. "Plenty of room here for you all."

"We will after we're done with the other guy." Brittany promised, "He's a bit of a weirdo, but he's a hot weirdo."

"Who is it?" Ted asked in bewilderment.

"That guy over there."

Wildcat looked up and his eyes doubled in shock as he saw a very pleased looking Vic Sage watching the other women slide up and down the poles erotically as two others sat on his lap.

_Oh, you have got to be kidding me._Ted thought to himself as he stomped over to the other man. _Mr. I'm-to-good-for-strip clubs is stealing the ladies? I'll kick his ass if his wacko lady friend doesn't do it first._

Q, oblivious to an on-coming Ted Grant, was currently enjoying himself immensely. Granted, doing so did go against his principals, and Helena would probably kick his ass if she ever found out about it, but damn. He was only human, for Christ's sake, a human _man_who was very straight and very into woman, particularly foreign woman...

Not that he would ever confess that to Helena. If she ever learned that the reason he liked her to speak to so much him during sex was so he could hear that incredibly sexy Italian accent of hers she hid so well he'd never hear the end of it.

When Ted and Greg had made their bet (A bet which Ted was such a fool for making. Didn't he know that Vig would simply pay the woman to trick Ted with him?) Q had gotten bored of their trivial conquests and wandered off. After making sure to slip away silently he walked up to this particular stage to warn the woman -and occasional man- about the dangers of the glitter they wore and the grease they put on the poles when he became aware of something rather interesting.

All the women over here weren't from this country at all. In fact, they all seemed to be directly imported from Europe and Brazil. Just a bunch of beautiful, shirtless, deliciously foreign women dancing and taking off their clothes.

Screw the Conspiracy, he wanted to watch.

And watch he did, and more than that. While Greg had paid a hooker to leave with him to trick Ted Vic was on the other side of the building being seduced by gorgeous woman and watching them get naked for him.

Thank God for the Conspiracy being able to distract him before his body made him do something he'd regret. The last thing he needed was the government stealing his sperm and making a bunch of little Q's.

As a few women slid off the stage and began to climb on top of him and paw at his clothes, Vic found it increasingly hard to concentrate on breathing, much less keeping his body in check. Ted and Greg were damn lucky they didn't have an armed, trigger-happy girlfriend who would more than happily shoot them.

On the other hand, Helena herself was out enjoying the sight of other people getting naked too. Why couldn't he? And with that thought in mind, he instantly began to relax and enjoy himself quite a lot more.

That is, until Ted came and started barking at him to get off his lazy ass and leave the woman alone so they could satisfy him for a change.

"Can't we both stay?'' Q asked.

"Why do you wanna watch me get it on with these here ladies, kid?"

"I don't want to watch, I want to-"

"Guys, cake's ready!" Wally called as he sipped by them.

"Cake?" Vic repeated, "Is this a birthday party for a six year-old?"

"Well, it is for Ollie so that's close enough." Ted decided, "Not let's go, I want my damn cake."

"Hm, well seeing as you lost your bet to Greg I suppose buying it is out of the question at this point."

"How was I supposed to know it would work?"

"Ted, this is a strip club." Vic sighed, "Didn't it occur to you that Vigilante would simply pay the woman to leave with you so he could win the bet?"

"…That bastard!"

"You really didn't think of it, did you?"

"No! That punk! Why I ought to go over there and-"

"Be quiet and go get some of your damn cake before West eats it."

"Fine, but I'm killing the cowboy after."

"Whatever makes you happy."

* * *

><p>"Strippers, boobs, cake! This party has everything!" Wally cried as he raced around the room.<p>

"Hold it there Speedy Gonzales; I don't think you quite understand this." Roy chuckled as he reclined back in his seat.

"What's to understand?" Wally asked, "It's a giant cake, Roy, not rocket science."

"It's what's in the cake that I want." Ted smirked.

Wally's eyes widened, "Ooh, is it vanilla?"

"...I guess it could be."

"I'd rather it be chocolate." Ollie opined with a playboy grin earning a few laughs from the group.

"I don't get it." Wally frowned.

Before anyone could explain it to him two women appeared from the doorway of the room in leopard-print bikinis and identical smiles on their faces as they pushed a giant vanilla cake on a cart. Wally ignored the two scandalously clothed women to stare at his one true love: food.

It was a large delicacy dressed in white icing with green trim -a color Ollie no doubt picked out- at least as tall as Bart (Wally's kind, loving, pain in the ass kid cousin) and looked like something that would take even the Scarlet Speedster an hour or so to finish.

"Consider this a better present than the check." Bruce smirked, "Courtesy of Alfred."

Oliver instantly knew what the cake contained. "_Alfred _made this?"

"Well, I modified it, but yes."

"Can we stop jibber-jabbing and dig in to it?" A ruffled Greg asked impatiently. It seemed his line had worked after all with the hooker, not that he still didn't have to give her half of what he won from Ted.

"Only you, Queen." Vic sighed with a shake of his head and a small smile.

Wally didn't hear any of them, he was too busy focusing on the cake. God, how could they stand not eating it? Look at it! He could feel it calling to him, begging him to eat it and savor its taste. His fingers subconsciously clenched around the room as his ADD kicked in and he began to tremble with want.

"Looks good." Roy nodded, "But I bet I'll like what's inside better."

"Heh, just like with women." Ollie cracked earning a few chuckles from the other men.

Flash could feel himself beginning to sweat as he stared at the large cake. Damn it, he was hungry! He hadn't wanted anything this bad since he saw those Thunder Cats sheets last Christmas. Hoping no one noticed, Wally began to scoot out of his chair and casually stand up.

Batman eyed him wearily but kept his mouth shut. The kid needed to learn when to behave himself, and this might have been a good opportunity for him to do so.

As the group made cracks about sex, the third Flash sped over to the desert and stared at it. It just looked so damn good; he _had _to have it now. He reached a hand forward and stole a slab of icing...

...Only for the cake to seemingly explode from the inside and have a preppy blonde pop out, completely naked save the icing she was coated it.

"SURPRISE!"

"GAH!" Wally shouted in horror. Without thinking he quickly took the metal spoon in his hand and slammed it in the back of the woman's head with a loud clank. "_DIE YOU CRAZY CAKE-KILLING BITCH!"_

With a squeal of shock the woman's eyes rolled back behind her skull and she fell over onto the ground with a dull thud.

Silence.

"...Did you just kill the cake hopper?" Roy gaped.

"Wha-What?" The redhead panted.

"Wally...you just...killed a stripper." Ollie blinked.

Ted stood up and walked over towards the woman, placing two fingers on her neck in search of a pulse. "No, she's just a little knocked out. She'll be fine, I think."

"Why the hell was there a _person _in your _cake_?" Wally gaped, "What is this, Hansel and Gretel?"

"You idiot." Bruce said flatly, not overly concerned about the woman.

The men all stared down at her, unsure of how to proceed. "...What do we do now?" Ollie asked in disbelief.

"Well...I don't know about you, but I have an idea." Roy replied going up to her and unzipping his pants.

"Roy!"

"What? Like you weren't thinking it!"

"Hide her in the closet." Vic suggested, "At some point she'll wake up."

"Then what?" Ollie cried, "Oh God, we're going to jail! I can't go to jail, I'm too pretty! Oh, and getting married! Dinah won't want to marry a jailbird."

"Why not? You kids could be two birds in a nest together, it'd be perfect." Ted snickered.

"I can't go to jail either!" Wally shouted, "Do you know what happens to guys like me in prison? Pretty, young, sexy guys like me? We get raped! I don't want to be raped! I get enough jokes about what my super speed can do during sex and don't need some 300 pound guy named Ernie staring at my ass during shower time!"

"Relax, West. No one's going to jail." Bruce assured him soothingly. Well, as soothingly as the Dark Knight ever could be.

"And how do you know that?"

"Because by the time she wakes up we'll be gone."

"Gone where?"

"I know a casino in Vegas where the dealers are great and the money's good." Ollie said, "Let's go there. This party isn't over by a long shot."

Oliver Queen had no idea just how right he was. In fact, the party was just beginning.

* * *

><p><strong>AN Long chapter much? Lol, I didn't think I'd ever finish. But look, I did:) Hope you like it.**

**A/N Reviews are always appreciated so if you never feel appreciated, well, review:)**


	6. Penis Cake

**A/N I own nothing, all characters belong to DC and Warner Bros. **

**A/N Again, more adult-like humor in this. Really nothing too bad, but just a little warning. Also, a few references might fly by you. Ever see the music video for 'Sexy and I know it'? A particular dance might not make sense if you don't, though it's pretty self explanatory. **

**Thank you all for the feedback:D **

* * *

><p>While Oliver and his group of friends were living it up in a strip club on the east side, a frazzled Dinah Lance was frantically walking with Zatanna towards the location of her own party.<p>

"I have to say Dinah, I'm a little disappointed." Zatanna said absently as they walked up towards the building. "I always thought you were so smart, but if you forgot your own party..."

"Shut up, Houdini." Dinah snipped, "We're here, alright. Now leave me alone."

"I was just teasing Dinah, yeesh."

"Yeah, well, still." The blonde frowned as they approached an attractive man in leather standing in front of a desk. "Excuse me?"

He held up a finger and continued his conversation on the phone, "I know Josh is being used by the Kardashians but we need another performer tonight!"

"I'm a performer." Zee piped up helpfully, always willing to help someone out.

The concierge raised an eyebrow. "You're a stripper?"

"What? No! Do I look like a stripper?"

"Yes."

"And you were teasing me." Dinah snorted.

"Oh, are you two are imported duo?"

"What?"

"You know, the lesbian couple we ordered to entertain the males who use this place?" He clarified as he looked them over.

Dinah's eyes widened. "No, we are most certainly not! Like I could ever like _Zatanna_!"

"Gee, thanks." Zee muttered, not liking her tone.

"Are you sure? You look like lesbians."

"Hey!"

"I'm just saying."

"We have a reservation here under the name 'Queen'." Dinah explained, wanting this conversation to end as soon as possible.

"I'm confused, why do I look like a lesbian?" Zee frowned, "I'm into men. Maybe that's why I don't get asked out a lot. Shit, Dinah, do men think I'm gay?"

"How should I know?" She asked as they were led to their table where Helena, Mari, Diana, Fire, and surprisingly Kara Kent were seated and chatting.

"So anyways I had Q on top of me and was getting it pretty damn good." Helena told the other women as Zee and Dinah approached the table. "So were going at it and he's pounding into me when all the sudden he stops. 'Helen', he says out of nowhere, 'you wouldn't happen to be on the pill, would you? Because I'm not wearing a condom.' I swear to God."

She paused her story and shook her head as the other women laughed. "I was ready to strangle him. I mean he had to tell me that right before we finished? Ugh."

"Do I look like a lesbian?" Zee asked as she sat down. "Because I'm not."

"Of course not." Mari assured her.

"Yeah. I mean at least not one of the bulky, masculine kinds." Kara added.

"Ves, you look straight." Fire nodded.

"Besides," The young blond continued, "if anyone here is a lesbian it's Diana."

The Amazon princess looked up at them in disbelief. "What?"

"She has a point." Helena shrugged, "Face it, Diana, you come from a society of only woman, you constantly preach about how awful men are, you're a complete feminist, and you never go on dates."

"You do give out a vibe." Admitted Zee.

"I am most certainly _not _a lesbian!" Diana cried, "How could anyone ever think that?"

"Well...you do have those shoulders." Kara pointed out.

"What's wrong with my shoulders?"

"They're just so...manly."

"Manly?"

"Yeah, manly."

"They are not!"

"Look, you are literally the most beautiful on the planet and have boobs like cantaloupes. Who cares if you have manly shoulders?" Dinah asked in exasperation.

"Seriously." Kara agreed. "Hey Dinah, can we give you your cake now? Helena showed it to me and I think you're really going to like it." A small smirk played across her lips, "It's huge."

For some reason this caused a snicker to arise from Helena, Mari, and Beatriz as Diana, Dinah, and Zatanna cast each other confused glances. Dinah decided not to comment on it and simply shrug it off. Tonight was her last night of freedom and she was going to enjoy every moment of it.

Diana instantly straightened up. She didn't know what Kara had implied, but knowing the youngest of the Kent family it couldn't be good. Bruce had sent her here to supervise tonight (not that she simply went because Bruce told her to. She was an Amazon, that went against her code.) and make sure Dinah didn't do anything she would regret while he did the same for Ollie. Nothing wrong would go down on the Amazonian princess's watch.

"I guess so." Dinah shrugged, "Is it yellow cake?"

The reason for the women's laughter once again went unknown to Dinah. The blonde woman self-consciously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as a part of her wondered if it had something to do with her and her hair color.

"N-No, we didn't want to get a yellow cake." Helena gasped, "We wanted it to be big after all."

"You know what they say about yellow things." Added Mari with a grin.

Another round of laughter erupted.

They _were_ laughing at her hair! Those bitches! Trying to remain calm Dinah politely said, "Enough with the jokes, okay? Let's just eat the stupid cake."

"It's not stupid." Helena huffed defensively, "It actually cost me a lot of money, you know."

Dinah raised a skeptical eyebrow. "It cost _you _a lot of money?"

"Okay, technically it was Ollie's money. But it's the thought that counts!"

"Then I thought of it too!" Kara said quickly.

"I hope not." Mari frowned, "I'd hate to hear what Clark would have to say if he heard this was your idea."

"Um, on second thought maybe it wasn't my idea."

"Who cares?" Dinah asked, "It's just a cake."

But as the three women -well, two women and an older teenager- shared a secretive mischievous smile, she began to wonder if it was really just a simple cake at all.

* * *

><p>Dinah stared at the cake in disbelief. "It's..."<p>

"-A cake shaped and decorated like a penis." Helena finished for her proudly. "I picked it out myself."

And it was indeed a cake made to look like a penis, and an erect one at that. The dick itself was made up of the actual cake and was somehow crafted to stand up like, well, a boner. To complete the effect two other smaller, circular cakes were placed at the top on both sides giving it a realistic effect. But the crowning part (and Helena's personal favorite) was the white icing appearing to squirt from the top and lazily drip down the sides. All in all, it was an erotically delicious dessert.

Dinah gaped at it momentarily before dropping her face into her hands.

The other females at the table watched with interest as her body trembled and a muffled moan was heard. "Oh shit." Helena groaned, "Is she crying?"

"Maybe they're tears of joy?" Suggested Zatanna hopefully.

"Vat ees eet weeth her?" Beatriz asked in her thick Brazilian accent.

"Maybe she's PMS-ing?" Kara guessed.

Suddenly the blonde removed her face from her hands and it become clear that she was in fact not crying due to her menstrual cycle but shedding tears of hysterical laughter. Helena smirked at her red face and wide grin, "Told you she would like it."

Diana stared at the gentile cake in horror. She tried not to show how her eyes were trying to pop out of her head and attempted to maintain her composure. What in the name of Gaea was a cake shaped to look like..._that _doing here? Hadn't these women ever heard of class?

"Diana, are you alright?" Mari asked in concern as she caught side of the Amazon's face. "You look a little off."

"I-I am fine." Diana lied, struggling to be calm. "Why exactly is there a dessert molded to look like a male's gentiles on the table?"

"Thought we would convert you to the dick side." Kara cracked earning herself a glare from Dinah and an elbow to the ribs from Fire, not that the young woman felt it.

"It's a bachelorette party, Di." Helen explained, "You know, a woman's last night of freedom? That's why we're in a strip club."

"A-A _strip _club?"

"Yep."

"But prostitution is illegal!"

"So is having a stick up your ass all the time." Helena remarked brazenly, "Loosen up."

"How do you expect me to 'loosen up' when you all plan on sitting here and putting that into your mouths!"

"Pft, you're eating it too."

"I most certainly am not!"

"I vil eat eet." Fire grinned, "Looks yummy."

"I am _not _going to allow something so-so-so _vile _into my body!" Diana gasped in repulsion. What in Gaea's name could be appetizing about putting a cake made to look like a man's...tool in someone's mouth? What was wrong with these women?

Apparently keeping everyone in check was going to be harder than Diana had thought.

"Well then shut up while the rest of us eat it." Helen ordered breezily, "_Some _of us are actually looking forward to it."

"Seriously." Kara muttered.

Diana arched a parental eyebrow, "What was that?"

"Nothing."

"Um, Kara, how old are you anyways?"

"Twenty-one... In three years."

Diana pressed her fingers to her temples and glared at the other women. "You allowed a minor in here?"

"Eighteen isn't a minor, she just can't drink." Mari piped up, "Besides, in most countries Kara would be preparing for marriage soon. She's fine."

"Not to mention I should really be in my thousands by now." Kara added, "Chronogenic freezing is a bitch."

"A bitch? You know how many women would kill to look eighteen in their thousands?" Mari scoffed, "Girl, you saved yourself a few G's by getting your booty frozen."

"Can we eat it now?" Helena asked, "I'm starving."

Dinah's lips twitched into a smirk. "You're always starving for this type of dessert, aren't you?"

The Italian-American grinned mischievously. "You know it."

Diana stared at her in surprise and slight accusation and asked in reference to the cake, "You've had this before?"

"...You could say that."

The beautiful Amazon's face distorted into repulsion. "You've...tasted one of these desserts before?"

"...Kind of."

"And...?"

"And what?"

"Are they good?"

"Eh, depends on the flavor."

The innuendo was lost on the virgin princess as the other women cracked up. Helen looked at her innocently and asked, "What's your favorite flavor, Diana?"

"Chocolate, why?"

Diana began to feel frustrated as the other women once again laughed. Even Kara was in on the joke! What the Tuataras were they laughing at? Why was it so funny that chocolate was her favorite flavor? After all, it was certainly the sweetest. What could be humorous about it?

"I-I bet Bruce is gonna be disappointed when he hears that!" Dinah choked out through a fit of giggles.

"Can you blame the poor girl?" Mari smirked, "After all, chocolate is the best."

"No vonder you are dateeng the Lantern." Fire smiled.

"What's so funny?" Diana frowned, "I don't understand what's so funny about liking chocolate cake. I am also quite partial to yellow."

The comment only caused their laughter to escalate, much to Diana's fury. What in Hera's name could be so damned funny about her favorite flavor? What were they, as Wally would say, smoking?

"I gotta say I never pictured you with an Asian fetish." Kara snickered, "You know what they say about Asians. Besides, you Amazons are so big you wouldn't even be able to find it."

"Asian fetish? Where did you get that from?"

Helen smacked her forehead and muttered, "Christ, someone please get her a modern dictionary or something to explain these things."

"I think I have one at home she could use." Zee offered.

"I don't understand, what is so bad about being an Asian man?" Diana asked in confusion, "Asians have a proud history of fighting and culture. After all, nearly every martial art evolved from there one way or another. Asian men are well-known for having good fighting abilities."

"And small dicks." Helen added bluntly.

Diana's face flushed as she once again tried to remain relaxed. "So you made my taste in flavor perverse?"

"Yep."

"Let's get back to my cake, shall we?" Dinah suggested, "Diana, I know your people have issues with me so I think you'd like to cut it."

"Excuse me?"

"Well, aren't Amazons supposed to hate men?"

"We do not 'hate' men; we simply do not trust them, wish to put them in their place, and want nothing to do with them."

"So...you hate them?"

"No! I just explained that I didn't. Why would cutting their...mating organ into slices be something I would do?"

"You know you could just call eet ah peenes." Fire said.

"Or a dick." Added Helena.

"Cock works too." Kara chimed in.

"Or baby-maker." Vixen piped up.

Zatanna, taking interest in the conversation, said, "Don't forget pecker."

"And wang." Dinah nodded.

"Enough!" Diana cried, "Can't you all think of something besides sex?"

"...Well I am hungry." A pause, "For the penis."

At Diana's furious glare Helena held up her hands in surrender. "The cake! I meant the cake! Come on, I was kidding!"

"I'm so sure."

Zee looked up at the sulking Amazon. "Lighten up, Diana. It's a party."

"I'm with Zatanna." Dinah agreed, "Now, who would like to cut the cake?"

"Me!" Kara exclaimed a bit too enthusiastically. The other women looked at her in concern and the young blonde shrugged. "What can I say? Clark pissed me off again and I have some anger built up in me."

Dinah watched wide-eyed as Kara took the knife and viciously began to cut it into slices. _Jeez, _Dinah thought to herself as Supergirl mercilessly sliced off yet another piece. _God help whatever poor bastard pisses her off._

"Kara...Maybe you should let me take the knife."

"Never!"

Helena flinched in sympathy as Kara began to use her heat vision to slice off piece by piece. "Hey kid, you keep this up and you're never going to get a date. I don't even have anything hanging there and that's hurting me."

Kara paused her massacre of the pastry and looked up. "Oh. Too much?"

"J-Just a little." Dinah stammered.

"I approve." Diana said with a hint of amusement. "Serves it right for being so offensive. I mean honestl-Mph!"

The Champion of The Gods was cut off from her lecture by Helena bending over, scooping a handful of the erotic cake, and promptly shoving it in her flawless mouth. Diana squeaked in protest and choked before reluctantly swallowing it with a gulp. She breathed heavily for a moment before looking up at Helena and sending her a death glare. "For a woman from the Mafia you lack respect."

"Whatcha' gonna do?" The brunette shrugged.

In response to her question, Diana grabbed a handful as well and launched it straight at her face. Helena froze and tensed as the icing trickled onto her lip. Her proud stance straightened as she eyed the princess wickedly, no doubt planning on revenge.

Noting this, Dinah quickly clapped her hands together. "Okay, how about we eat that cake now?"

Fires ears perked up in excitement. "Oh ves, vee must eat zey cake! I 'ave not eaten sometheeng that good looking seence Tom Cruise came to see me last year!"

"Too much information." Kara winced.

Mari watched Diana hesitantly take a bit of the dessert and smirked at her expression. The virgin princess was obviously enjoying it, even if she refused to admit it. "I have to say I never thought I'd live to see the day Wonder Woman put _that_ in her mouth."

Diana scowled at her and insisted, "I am doing it to be polite!"

"Mhm, sure."

"Ladies, do we have a surprise for you!" A voice cried before Diana could argue why she most certainly _not _enjoying the sexist (though ridiculously delicious) cake. The women turned around to see a ripped man in front of them with his hands on his hips and a boyish grin on his face.

Dinah took in his red cape, matching boots and Speedo with the Superman crest printed on the crotch and almost choked. The man was obviously impersonating the Man of Steel and had gone so far as to place a curl in his charcoal hair.

"...What's going on?" Dinah asked carefully while trying to resist the urge to giggle.

"We're Smutty Justice." Speedo-wearing not-Clark announced proudly. "Guys, get in here!"

Before the blonde could respond five other men dressed in tights dashed into the room. Dinah covered her mouth with her hands in delight as she took in the men dressed as Superman, Batman, Flash, Green Lantern, Aquaman, and J'onn. It was going to be Hell looking at her male colleagues now without snickering.

"You've got to be kidding me." Dinah groaned, trying to mask her delight by sending her best friend a pointed glare. _"Helena!"_

"Don't look at me." Helen snorted, pointing her finger towards the mocha-skinned woman besides her. "Mari thought of it!"

"Mari!"

"What? I got the idea from Kara."

The blonde looked up innocently and widened her baby-blue eyes. "Who, _me_? No, you must be thinking of someone else. I would _never _do that."

"Shove it."

"Shove it_ where_?" A sultry voice with a light accent giggled.

"_Helena!" _Dinah exclaimed in shock.

"Wha-No! That wasn't me!" The Huntress cried. She turned towards Supergirl fiercely and jabbed her finger towards her. "That little witch mimicked my voice!"

"I did no such thing." A pause. Then, in Helena's voice, "Or maybe I did."

Before Helen could strangle her, SuperSpeedo approached Dinah and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Well hello, little lady. Should I introduce to you my friends?"

"Please, ves!" Fire giggled.

"Well," 'Kal' smiled as he stood up straight and flexed his muscles. "I am SuperSpeedo, dedicated to pleasing woman everywhere! After all, I am the Man of Steel..."

_Oh hell. _Dinah thought to herself. _This is going to be one of THOSE parties._

"And _I _am Buttman!" Announced 'Batman' dramatically as the women burst out into laughter. He was dressed in tight leather pants held up with a yellow belt with the words _'I AM THE ASS OF THE NIGHT' _in rhinestones, no shirt, and a black cape with his face hidden by a domino mask. "I have the most amazing ass in the universe! And, as the World's Greatest Detective, can find all those secret places women keep hidden!"

The man next to him wearing absolutely nothing at all save for the green paint covering his skin said in a deep voice, "I am the Martian Womanhunter. I'll phase through your clothing and control you with the power of my superior alien junk. Ain't got no need for clothes, 'cause they never stay on..."

Dinah inwardly cringed as she imagined what the real J'onn would think of this guy. She doubted he'd be too thrilled.

"The Human Vibrator is my name, making woman shake in pleasure is my game!" Called a blonde man dressed in the smallest, tightest pair of red running shorts Dinah had ever seen. He twitched his pecks painted with lightning bolts and the woman all hollered in delight. "Baby, I vibrate _every _part of my body. Give me a few minutes and I'll have yours doing the same."

"Ladies, I was chosen to use my ring not for my incredible willpower, but for my incredible dick." A raven-skinned man towering well over six muscular feet called. "My dick, with my ring, allows me to give women the ultimate pleasure by filling them 'til they burst and making any toy imaginable. In the loneliest day, in the horniest flick, no pussy shall escape my dick. Let all who worship absents lies get sick, beware my power, _GREEN SWINGER'S PRICK!_"

"...I must say I like it better than John's." Mari admitted.

"And last but not least, I am Sailor Boy." 'Aquaman' cried. The women took in the man dressed in tight black shorts, an even tighter orange tank-top, and a little sailor hat on his head. It appeared even in a strip club Aquaman was lame. "Who wants me to ring their dingy, heh?"

"I know it should be sexy but I'm just creeped out." Kara flinched.

"This is the most sexist and degrading thing I have ever witnessed." Diana stated with a scowl.

"I think if I laugh any harder I'll pee my pants!" Helen breathed between fits of laughter.

"Smutty Justice, assemble!" Ordered SuperSpeedo as the other men rushed over.

"I put the 'ass' in assemble." Buttman smirked, giving his ass a jiggle as '_Sexy and I know it' _began to pulse through the speakers. The women watched as the men all began to dance to the song.

_"When I walk on by, girls be looking like damn he fly. I pay to the beat, walking on the street in my new lafreak. This is how I roll, animal-print pants outta control. It's a real fool with a big Afro... "_

As the men began to wiggle and twist Dinah noticed Diana paying a bit more attention to Buttman than she should have been. "Something on your mind, Diana?"

"Hm? Oh, uh, nothing!" The virgin princess said quickly.

_"I'm sexy and I know it! I'm sexy and I know it!"_

Dinah wondered if her fiancé was having this much fun as well as she absently watched the men perform for her. She watched with particular fascination as Green Swinger and Sailor Boy took to the poles and began twirling as the other men continued their dance.

_"When I walk in the spot, this is all I see. Everyone stops and they staring at me. I got passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it...I'm sexy and I know it..."_

At the exact second the line ended all the men suddenly stood in a straight line, placed their hands behind their necks, stuck out their crotch's...

_"Wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle, yeah! Wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle, yeah! Wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle yeah! Do the wiggle man!"_

…And began to shake their hips side to side like Shakira, earning a wiggle from down below with every shake.

Diana watched aghast as the dance went on. "What...What in Hera's name are they doing?" She whispered in horror, her eyes wide.

"I beleeve eet es called zey 'Wiggle'." Fire explained.

"Hera forgive me for witnessing this abomination." Diana whimpered as the men wiggled away.

Helena smirked and shoved the Amazon a plat with cake on it. "Shut up and have another slice of penis."

And so the night went on.

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><p><strong>AN For those of you who are unaware, the Wiggle is a dance where the guy shakes his crotch and, well, wiggles:) I got a request to have Superman strip in this, and I couldn't have the actual Clark do it (too OOC, even for this) so I had to improvise. Hope I did okay. No, this is not the end of the girls or the guys party, there is much more to come *evil smirk*.**

**A/N Review por favor! **


	7. Kara Kent: Hooker Extraordinaire

**A/N I own nothing, all characters belong to DC and Warner Bros. **

**A/N Finally moved this to 'M'. I think I surpassed the teen rating the last chapter and don't need to be suspended for it. I PM-ed everyone who reviewed last chapter about it (yet another reason reviewing is important) and hope it doesn't cause to much trouble. Sorry smut lovers, no explicit sex scene in this, just more adult-like humor:) Also, my computer crapped out on me yet again and it's a pain trying to get it started anymore, much less write. Hence the late update. Sorry:(**

**A/N Thanks for taking the time to review!**

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><p>Something about the entire scene made Dinah want to laugh her ass off and run and hide all at once.<p>

Watching a group of male strippers dressed as the most popular men of the League and running around in spandex was making her day, but it was going to be impossible to look at Batman without mentally calling him the Ass of the Night.

She had a feeling he wasn't going to appreciate the nickname.

Between Kara making cracks about Sailor Boy, Diana deciding whether to be disgusted by their actions or turned on by Buttman, Helena eating her cake as suggestively as possible, Mari cheering on Green Swinger, Fire flirting with The Human Vibrator, and Zatanna trying to avoid being hit on by The Martian Womanhunter not laughing was nearly impossible.

If only Ollie and the guys could see them now.

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><p>If only Dinah and her friends could see them now Oliver mused to himself as he and his companions entered the large Vegas building.<p>

It had been his idea to come to as casino after a little...incident involving Wally accidentally knocking out a stripper and the seven men had responded by quickly skedaddling and heading towards the rest of Sin City.

After an hour of dragging Ted away from a group of attractive women who wanted to 'reward' him for giving them their autograph, Wally wincing every time he saw a cake, and Roy teasing his friend for his latest blunder relentlessly they finally reached the entrance to the Grand Central East Palace -a name that was ridiculously long and made no real sense- they all began to relax.

"I can't believe how damned big this here place is." Greg admitted as they entered the building. "And I been to every big building in the USA."

"The owner and I go way back so I doubt we'll have trouble here." Bruce told the gawking men.

Roy snorted. "Let me guess, you slept with her."

"Of course not." A pause, "Just his sister."

A mixture of cries of approval and disgust rung through the crowd. "You got balls, kid." Ted grinned, "Kind of reminds me of myself when I was your age. 'Cept I doubt you were so good you even got the pants off of Queen Hippolyta."

That got everyone's attention. "...You slept with Diana's Mom?" Wally gaped.

"Well," Ted smirked, "Sleep wasn't exactly what happened."

"Does Diana know?" Ollie asked in disbelief. Aside from being impressed, his respect for Wildcat had just gone through the roof. He'd bagged quite a few beautiful women in his time worth mentioning (Kim Kardashian was among his personal most prized, though Dinah had her beat as far as performance and looks went) but to get the pants off of a woman who led an island of only females, hated men with passion, and was so good looking she gave her daughter a run for her money was something else.

Seeing as he was going to pledge himself to Dinah in a few days, his greatest hope was to someday father a son to be an even better player than his grandfather would be. Hell, he didn't even need a new kid for that. Roy was already a pretty big flirt, so all he had to do was help Connor along.

Ollie could rest easy knowing all the men in his family would never have a problem getting laid.

"Of course not. Do you think I really need some super strong star-spangled panty wearing woman to beat me up?" Ted scoffed, "I ain't ever gonna let that happen, boys."

"Dude, you are my hero." Wally murmured in wonder. Bagging Diana's Mom sounded so wrong yet so right to the young speedster.

"Oliver, how is it all the males in your family have managed not to die of herpes?" Vic asked in slight disbelief. "You're bigger manwhores than all the Kennedy's combined."

Ted grinned proudly. "Pft, they're not the only ones who got with Marilyn Monroe."

"Ted, I love you, but please stop ruining sex for me." Roy begged politely. "You're even worse than Bruce."

"Somebody had to teach me the ways of bedding as many women as I can." Bruce shrugged with a slightly sheepish expression. "Who better to teach me than the King of the Amazons?"

"King, eh?" The former boxer chuckled. "If I'm a King then Dinah's a princess."

"And if she's marrying a Queen than she's a lesbian princess." Roy pointed out.

Greg smiled, "I think you be confusing Dinah with Wondy, Roy. I ain't the only one to get that vibe, right?"

"Diana is a lesbian?" Wally gasped.

"No she isn't." Bruce scowled.

"To be fair she was raised on an island of only women and grew up believing men were inferior." Vic reasoned, "It is quite possible."

"Diana is straight, trust me."

"How do you know? Did you sleep with her?"

"Well, not yet."

"Then you don't know."

"Yes I do."

"Maybe she's just using you wishing you were Batgirl." Ted suggested.

Before Bruce could protest the accusation Ollie said, "You know who I always got a gay vibe off of? J'onn."

"_J'onn_?" Wally gasped in disbelief. When the hell had all of his teammates turned to the rainbow side? Come to think of it J'onn had always had a soft spot for him. Holy crap, what if J'onn liked him? He was sexy as hell so he couldn't exactly blame the guy, but damn! How would he tell Linda? Or even worse what if the telepathic Martian made him like him back?

How would sex with J'onn even work? The guy didn't really wear pants so did that mean he didn't have a...you know? Maybe Martians didn't have genders. Wait, that didn't make sense. J'onn had a wife on mars, and wives were women. So where the hell was his penis?

"Does anybody know where J'onn's junk is?"

Silence.

"What?"

"I don't think J'onn is the only gay one."

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><p>"Will you leave me the hell alone?" Helena barked to the male stripper in front of her. "I'd rather watch Sailor Boy over there than you."<p>

"But I'm the 'Ass of the Night'." Buttman protested.

"Oh, trust me I know." She scowled crossly as she turned on her heels and walked away. "Go bug Dinah."

Dinah was currently trying to avoid an overly flirtatious Martian Womanhunter who didn't seem to be taking the hint. "Come on, I said go away!" She cried.

"But baby, I'm a hunter. Think of all the _booty _I could find on you."

"Don't you dare ruin pirate movies for me!"

"Geez, Di, what is it with you attracting guys green guys?" Helena asked as she walked over and saw her friend trying to avoid the male stripper. "Shoo! Can't you see she's not in to you?"

At his disappointed face the blonde woman quickly said, "Look, do you see that woman over there? The Brazilian one?" The man nodded. "Well she's a model and is shall we say very, very into men."

"She's a total whore." Helena chimed in bluntly. "Really, no standards there at all. She makes me look like a virgin."

"_Anyways_," Dinah continued, "She loves the color green so she'll go for you. Go flirt with her."

The man smiled enthusiastically and nodded. Sure enough, not ten minutes later he was giggling with Fire as she batted her green eyes. The model had taken a particular interest in the man's adoration of green which worked well seeing as he had taken a special interest in her chest.

"I love her, but I wish she didn't wear a see-through shirt." Mari told Kara as the two watched them.

"I had that exact same one but stupid Clark threw it out." Supergirl huffed, "I don't see the big deal, I mean Karen's me in another universe and even though she's at least two cup sizes bigger than me he has no problem with her wearing a shirt with a giant whole in the middle."

"Why do I doubt he minds it?"

"Pft, none of the guys do." Kara muttered as she cast a look down at her chest. "Damnit, grow already!"

From across the room Diana looked up in time to see Kara angrily shouting at her breasts. She considered telling the teenager that they weren't going to answer her back, but then got distracted by the two men in front of her performing.

SuperSpeedo and Buttman had taken a special interest in the Amazon and were now attempting to see who could get her hornier better and faster. Winner got to take the woman home.

Now if only they let Diana in on the bet.

Somewhere along the line Diana had decided that maybe this wasn't so insulting after all. To be honest it was actually quite enjoyable and she couldn't help but feel a tad amused, but no way would she ever admit it aloud. And Hera be damned if her Mother ever found out about their little trip to this place.

"Hey pretty lady, mind if I give your shoulders a little massage?" 'Kal' asked as he bent down and smiled at her seductively. Granted, this man appeared to be a cleaner, less attractive version of her friend, but he was still sexy.

Diana had herself a bit of a crush when she first met Clark, but after she learned he was with Lois she lost all attraction. After all, why pin away for someone who couldn't love her back? Now he was a dear friend who was like a brother to her and she found herself being attracted to Bruce.

So while she was here why not sit back and enjoy two attractive men bearing great resemblance to men she was or had been attracted to? As Helena had said, 'To hell with it, we're single while we're here!'.

"Look at Diana getting flirty with them." Dinah smirked as she saw her friend being hit on by 'Superman' and 'Batman'.

Helena smiled mischievously, "Our little virgin is getting all grown up and laid."

"Hm, you think we should be offended our boyfriends -well, your boyfriend and my fiancé- aren't good enough to have strippers named after them?"

"Nah." The Italian-American replied with a wave of her hand. "Any more Oliver Queen's in the world and America will officially be out of attractive virgins."

"Well any more Question's and we're going to have to order a whole new mental institution for everyone he talks to." Dinah fired back.

Silence.

"What? Nothing to say to that?"

"Well I would if it wasn't true." Helen shrugged, "My boyfriend's so hot everyone he talks to goes crazy, I know."

"That's not what I meant!"

"It isn't good to lie to yourself, Dinah." She smirked, "Vic's hot and you know it."

"He wears orange socks."

"Sexy orange socks."

"Why are you so stubborn?"

"I'm only stubborn when I know I'm right."

Dinah rolled her eyes knowing that her friend was stubborn as hell and too proud to ever admit she was wrong. Especially when she was wrong about her very un-hot psycho boyfriend.

She decided to let it go simply because she knew not everyone could be with a guy as sexy as Ollie. After all, everyone knew blondes were hotter than anyone else.

Mari had been preparing to go chat with Dinah and Helena when she felt a large, warm arm curl around her shoulders. "Hey sexy, want to see what my ring can do to you-or should I say _for_ you?"

Vixen craned her neck and came face to face with John. Well, sort of. It was his stripper double Green Swinger. Just thinking of his chant made her want to burst out laughing, but thinking of John made her want to rip off the man's head. She was fed up with Lantern and his attitude. No matter how hard Mari tried he constantly complained and she was getting fed up with it.

Green Swinger must have noticed the look on her face. "What? Is it my breath or something?"

"No, you just remind me of someone I know." Mari replied, "Could you please go away?"

"Why?" He asked, leaning closer. "Maybe we could go somewhere and you could settle all this tension with me."

"I don't think so."

His eyes narrowed and he grabbed her wrists. "Who said you had a choice?"

"Let me go." Mari ordered calmly, her muscles tensing for a fight. Maybe she would settle her tension with him after all, just not how he had expected it.

"I don't think so, pretty baby. Now I'm going to unzip my pants and you're going to-"

_HISS!_

And then he was on the floor.

Dinah and Helena whirled around to see Mari standing over Green Swinger with her fist clenched and a scowl on her face. Kara stopped her evaluation of her chest, Fire paused her make-out fest with the Martian Womanhunter, Zatanna stared at her questioningly, and Diana looked up from Buttman and SuperSpeedo's laps to see what was going on.

"What?"

"Oh you know, I heard the stock market crashed. I'm sure it has nothing to do with you standing over a body." Dinah shot sarcastically, "Mari, what did you do?"

"Punished the naughty boy." Vixen replied smoothly as she looked over the other males in the room. "Anybody else want to play?"

"Ahem, I'm going to have to ask you to leave now." SuperSpeedo coughed, "We're not for rough play unless it's sexual."

Helena cocked her head thoughtfully. "Well she's standing over him and he's on the floor. Looks pretty sexual to me..."

"Still."

"Pft, well don't expect any of these in your Speedos." Kara remarked as she waved a stack of single dollar bills in the air.

"Kara! Did you bring that money here to pay for... coitus?" Diana exclaimed.

"What's that?"

"You know, sexual intercourse?"

"Huh?"

"She means 'fucking'." Helena clipped brazenly.

"What? No!" A pause, "If anything they were going to pay me."

"Okay, maybe we should go." Dinah said quickly as she stood up. The last thing she needed was her bridal shower to be remembered as the day she turned Kara Kent into a hooker.

Not too long after they left the back room and entered the casino the group divided off into smaller groups as everyone split up in the Grand East Central Palace.

Little did they know that the next time they met up they wouldn't be alone.

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><p><strong>AN Merry Christmas! Consider this your present from me;)**

**A/N Review please! It could be your present to me:)**


	8. Wally's Rage

**A/N I own nothing, all characters belong to DC and Warner Bros.**

**Thanks for the reviews!**

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><p>In a large casino in Vegas, two separate groups were about to merge into one.<p>

Unknown to the two parties, they had coincidentally (or if you asked Question, _purposely_ by a higher power) chosen the same casino in the same city to get wild in. Of course it could be argued that perhaps Batman had planned the entire thing, but since there was no proof no one dwelled on it.

Wally and Roy wandered through the crowded hallway armed with two bottles of beer between the two.

The former Speedy looked at the redhead and raised an eyebrow. "Are you even old enough to drink that?"

"What, a beer?"

"Yeah."

"Of course I am!" Wally exclaimed, "I'm twenty-two!"

"Yet you act like you're five."

The two ignored the man standing against the wall with his arms crossed, an array of tools and needles behind him. "You guys want a 'tat?"

"No thanks." Wally replied before turning back to Roy. "What do you mean?"

"Wally, I love you, but you're like an overgrown child."

"What! No I'm not!"

"Yes, you are."

"Am not!"

"That's exactly what a child would say."

Wally scowled at him. "Oh, come on! I am not an overgrown kid!"

"Wake up and smell the roses, West. You might as well be five."

"Yeah, well you're a bigger one!"

"That makes no sense."

"That's not what your Mom said!"

Roy rolled his eyes at his friend. "You're an idiot."

Wally crossed his arms over his chest and pouted his lips in response. Stupid Roy calling him a baby. He wasn't some little kid in the body of an adult, he was a man! So what if he still played with Legos and race cars, they were so much fun!

Still fuming about the audacity of it all Wally finished downing his beer. One of the pluses to super speed was his metabolism burned off alcohol at a fantastically high rate. He could drink as much as he wanted and have zero trace of a hangover.

He was just that awesome.

"You know if anyone's a kid it's Clark." Wally frowned, "The guy is a total boy scout. Wonder if he knows how the birds and the bees work..."

"Seeing as how he's over thirty I would assume so. Plus he's got that X-ray vision. Damn, if I had that I wouldn't ever have to buy a Playboy again to stare at a woman's chest."

"But what if you couldn't control it, huh? You would see ugly chicks too."

"And other guy's junk." Roy agreed, his eyes widening in horror before he quickly added, "Not that you would mind."

"I am not gay, Roy. For the last time I like screwing women!"

"Denial!"

"You know what Roy, you're right. I am a five year-old, a gay five year-old! I AM A GAY FIVE YEAR-OLD WHO LIKES MEN!"

A spell of silence fell upon the crowd in the noisy casino as everyone inside stared at Flash wide-eyed. The group of women who had been standing by Roy and Wally awkwardly scooted away as the crowd once again began to talk among themselves, particularly about a certain redhead.

"Can you believe some people? Joking about child molestation, God."

"Someone forget their meds this morning."

"Do you, like, think he really is? I mean I can never tell with guys."

"He _does _give off a vibe."

Wally groaned and covered his face with his hands. Good thing Linda wasn't here otherwise she would have never let him live it down. If one more person referred to him as gay, a child, or any combination of the two he was going to throw a fit.

Unless it was Roy. He didn't care what Roy said unless it was about his Flash Van aka the sexiest thing on wheels. Really, the Batmobile had nothing on that sizzling hunk of metal sitting in his garage.

So what if he had super speed and no real need for a vehicle? That baby was his pride and joy and as long as it went without an insult Wally would be fine.

"-So immature, almost as much as your stupid van!"

Wally snapped.

"Take it back!" Wally barked, pushing his friend against the wall. "Do it!"

"This is so not helping the gay theory, West."

"Roy..."

"I'm not going to take it back, Wally. Now let me go."

Wally released him with a scowl and glared at his friend. Roy responded by ignoring the look on his face and rubbing his neck sorely. Stupid Wally trying being all sensitive and hurting his neck.

"Take it back!"

"No, I mean I'm not going to lie!"

"It's not lame it's cool!"

"Cool as fire!"

"Unless you mean that it's hot I'm going to be pissed! Take it back, Roy!"

"Wally, I'll only take it back if you..." He searched around aimlessly for something to barter Wally with. Something good. The archer's eyes locked onto the man in the corner smoking a cigarette in front of a portable tattoo parlor.

Roy Harper smiled.

"Well I have one idea..."

* * *

><p>Diana didn't quite understand what Zatanna was asking her to do.<p>

"Just be my wing girl, okay?" Zee pleaded, "I just need someone to help me out here. Plus, if you do I'll help you out."

"Help me out how?"

"You know..." The sorceress trailed off hoping the innuendo was clear. "You help me find a guy, I help you..."

"Are-...Are you suggesting you will have sex with me if I help you find a man?" Diana gasped.

"What? No!" Zee squealed, "Ew, no! No way in hell! I meant I'd help you find a guy too! Get your mind out of the gutter!"

"That is what it sounded like!"

"To a pervert!"

"I am _not _a pervert!" Which was quickly followed by, "And why exactly is the thought of having intercourse with me so revolting?"

"Di, I like guys, not women." Zatanna explained, "Just because all women are lesbians where you're from doesn't mean they do elsewhere."

"Themiscyra isn't like that at all!"

"So, what, you just don't do anything but learn to fight? What is the point of that?"

"To defend our home!"

"Pft, sounds to me like you just need to get out your tension." Kara snorted as she walked up to the two older women. "Really, if that stick up your ass was any bigger you would split in two."

"Kara!"

"What?"

"That's a horrible term!"

"...Getting out your tension?"

"I think she meant the thing about the stick up her butt." Zee piped up.

Diana covered her hands with her ears and groaned. "For Hera's sake, this is awful! I promised Bruce I would take care of you and make sure none of you got into any trouble!"

Zatanna frowned. "What exactly have we done wrong, Diana?"

"You are all acting like immature teenagers who cannot control their hormones!"

"Hey! I didn't see you acting all uptight and close collared when the guys were stripping for us!" Kara cried, "You were practically giving lap dances to SuperSpeedo and Buttman!"

"I-well... That doesn't count!"

"Bullshit!"

"What?"

"You heard me!"

"What does bullshit mean?"

Zatanna groaned and smacked her forehead with her hand. "Ekas skcuf rof! Someone get her a modern dictionary!"

* * *

><p>"So," Roy grinned as he smacked his friend on the back with his hand. "You feel like a man?"<p>

Wally let out a moan of indignity and rubbed his lower back painfully. "I can't believe I let you talk me into that..."

"Oh, come on! Linda'll love it!"

The redhead raised an eyebrow. "You think?"

"I _know_. Chicks love tattoos."

"Well yeah, but she might lecture me about the whole split decision thing."

"So what if you got a tattoo at a casino in Vegas from a mysterious figure in a corner?" Roy shrugged, "Like I said; chicks love tattoos."

A hopeful pause. "You really think so, Roy?"

"Of course." He assured the other man. "After all, what women wouldn't want her boyfriend to have a tattoo of the Flash Van on his ass?"

* * *

><p>"I'm telling you, Di. You really need to lighten up and have one of these." Helen said as she dangled a Raspberry Rickey drink in front of the blonde's face. "Loosen up."<p>

"Loosen up? Helena, do you have any idea how much of a disaster this is turning into?"

"Apparently not."

The blonde sighed and shook her head. Her friend just didn't understand what made a party good and what classified it as a disaster. Sure, she'd had a few laughs over the men in the strip club, but other than that it just wasn't anything special.

Between Diana being everyone's mother, Fire flirting with anyone who had a dick, Kara being rebellious and dirty, Zatanna...well, Zee hadn't done anything too bad yet, Mari acting nothing short of murderous, and Helena simply being Helena this hadn't exactly gone down as she planned.

It saddened her to think this was how her last nights of being an unmarried woman were going to be remembered. Nothing more than drunken shenanigans and mishaps.

Sure there would be some funny memories and thoughts, but Dinah wanted it to be special. While she herself was having a great time, she wasn't sure everyone else was.

"You know what you need? To get your flirt on."

Dinah stared at her friend in disbelief. "Are you insane? I'm getting married in a few days!"

"But you're not married yet, are you?" Helen asked, "No. Nothing will boost your confidence up like having some guy hit on you, Di. Go for it."

Dinah sighed and looked around. "Helen, the only cute guys around here is the one who won't stop winking at you."

"Well..." Her smile faltered, "Ugh, there's a big group of sluts just packed in here like damn sardines. They're crowding one guy over there, but there's gotta be another one here..."

Canary once again sighed. "Look, I'm going to go get a drink. Don't get too drunk and sleep with some random guy, okay?"

"Hey! I'm with Q now, Dinah. I don't do that anymore."

"Hm, just remember that." The blonde replied, grabbing her purse up and heading towards the bar. Maybe Helen was right and she needed a drink. Hell, a drink sounded pretty damned good right about now.

With the promise of alcohol awaiting her, Dinah headed to the bar and took a seat on a stool. "Martini, please."

"Dry?"

"Yes."

She leaned forward and put her elbows on the bar stool, resting her chin on her hands. Dinah ignored the men staring at her. Just because she was blonde didn't mean she was stupid. She knew she was an attractive woman and in the little black dress she was in now she looked stunning.

Maybe she could get a guy to buy her a drink just for the hell of it.

Not too far away, a thirsty Oliver Queen was making his way over to the bar in search of a beer. He was just beginning to approach it when his eyes locked onto some sexy little blonde with killer legs and a nice ass already seated down.

Ollie knew he was getting married in a few days, and he definitely knew he loved Dinah. He also knew that he wasn't planning on doing anything with this ridiculously sexy woman tonight. This was just going to be for kicks.

The archer just hoped she looked as good in the front as she did from the back.

"Ahem, care if I sit here?" Ollie asked, not waiting for a response as he took a seat.

The blonde looked up at him and when he realized who it was Oliver Queen almost pissed his pants. "What the-! Dinah?"

"Ollie?"

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Me! What are you doing here?" Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. "You weren't spying on us, were you?"

"Do I look like Question to you?" He snorted, "But oh, let me tell you. I was spying on you so I figured I would just go up to you and talk to you so you wouldn't catch me."

"The sarcasm's not appreciated, mister." Dinah scowled, "Even if you do look cute when you use it."

Ollie grinned and gave her a quick kiss. "So whatcha doing here, Pretty Bird? I thought you and your lady friends were having a party."

"We were, but we all split up once we got here." She explained, "What about you?"

"Same thing, 'cept we did it on purpose."

"Why?"

"There's only so much of them I can take."

Dinah laughed, but it suddenly halted. "...You weren't trying to pick me up, were you?"

"Nah, just thought I'd have a little fun before I got hitched."

"It better not have been fun in bed."

"Please, the most fun in bed I'll ever have in bed is when you do that thing with your-"

"Okay, we can stop talking now." Dinah said quickly, her face reddening. No need to share that information with everyone else craving a drink.

"Fine, but you owe me." He smirked, "Hey, where did all you friends go to?''

Dinah shrugged helplessly. "I have no idea."

* * *

><p>Wonder Woman hadn't felt like so much of a failure in a long time.<p>

Not only was no one listening to her, but the women she was supposed to look out for refused to obey her rules and were acting completely immature. Honestly, their eagerness to sleep with men was a disgrace to females everywhere.

Though she had to admit a few certain male strippers were rather attractive...

But that was beside the point. Bottom line was that Bruce had asked her to make sure everyone behaved, and as far as Diana was concerned she was doing a poor job of it.

Not to mention she had no idea where half of them went.

Having grown-up on an island, Diana was a pretty damn good tracker. Hera had blessed her with more than good looks, and she was also very smart. With these skills in mind, Diana set off to go round up the other party guests.

Zatanna and Kara were still where they were before, so that only left Fire, Helena, Dinah, and Mari missing. Dinah was of course was her priority at the moment seeing as she was getting married in a few days. After all, if Dinah did something she regretted Diana would blame herself. Fire and Mari weren't quite as important since Fire wasn't with anyone and Vixen's relationship with John wasn't exactly doing too well.

Actually, Diana decided, Mari might be just as important as Dinah to find because of that. Plus there was Helena. Even though the Amazon knew she was happy with her kook-er, man, Helen wasn't exactly famous for being uptight when it came to men. Add alcohol to the mix and you had a very distraught princess searching for three friends.

Well, a friend, a co-worker, and a frenemy. Personally Diana wanted John to go out with Shayera again, but she tried to ignore her biased opinions and do what was right.

Diana might have been tall, but she still needed to crane her neck to see people in the crowded casino. How hard should it have been for her to find three women who looked like Victoria Secret models?

Then again, she was in Vegas.

How in Gaea's name was she supposed to find them? Scowling, she glanced over at a couple having a heated make-out fest on a slot machine and over to a bar before pausing.

_Wait, what_?

She quickly turned her head back and let out a gasp as she got a better look at the couple groping around on the machine. Her eyes widened in horror and her stomach dropped as she realized who it was.

It was Helena, perched on the colorful machine with her arms around some man's neck, her back and ass covered in his hands, and her lips smothering his own as she fervently kissed the man.

A man who wasn't The Question.

* * *

><p><strong>AN Review please!**


	9. Flash Gets His Ass Fried

**A/N I own nothing, all characters belong to DC and Warner Bros.**

**Thanks for the reviews!**

* * *

><p>Diana stared open-mouthed at the sight in front of her in disbelief.<p>

What in Hera's name was she doing? For the love of Tartarus, she could see their tongues! Feeling her stomach churn in disgust Diana helplessly watched as she tried to comprehend what was going on.

She didn't like Question. At all. Really, if there was a choice between being stuck in an elevator for forty minutes with her 'father' Hades or spending five minutes having the conspiracy theorist twist her mind with complex and bizarre theories she'd choose old Daddy dearest.

Okay, maybe that was a little extreme. But she really didn't like the man.

However she had to put aside personal prejudices aside and focus on her duty as the symbol of truth and justice and the height of feminine perfection and great boobs for the League.

Well, the last two were irrelevant. Good titles, but irrelevant nonetheless.

With the thought of her friend -well, co-worker- distraught over making a stupid mistake and being dumped Diana strode over to the two with purpose. Upon arriving she promptly crossed her arms and sent Helena and her, uh, friend the most parental you-my-dear-are-in-so-much-trouble glare she could muster.

If only Bruce could see her now.

"Helena!"

The brunette stopped her fervent show of affection and broke away. "Oh, hey Diana."

Hey Diana? Hey Diana! Did she have any idea what the Tartarus she was doing here? What she was throwing away? The ηλίθιος didn't even look overly intoxicated!

"'Hey Diana'?" She repeated in disbelief. "Helena, what in Gaea's name are you doing?"

The Italian rolled her eyes. "Washing my car. What does it look like I'm doing?"

How could she be so nonchalant? For Hera's sake she was practically having her way with the man right there in front of everyone.

"May I ask what the problem is?" The man she had been fooling around with asked, his hands still on her waist.

"She's seeing someone else!"

His eyes widened and he quickly looked at Helena for an explanation. She merely looked at Diana as though she was crazy and asked, "What?"

"You are involved with Question, are you not?"

"Um..." She opened her mouth to say something, but the man cut her off. "Not really your damn business, is it?"

Diana glowered at the pathetic excuse for a human being and said firmly, "Leave. Now."

"I don't think I will."

"Leave!"

"Diana! Come on!"

But the princess wasn't hearing it, and without a second thought tugged the man forward by his hand. He let out a slight gasp, not expecting her strength, and then quickly re-adjusted himself. "Don't touch me."

"Um, babe?" Helen said, worry tinting her voice. "Maybe you shouldn't-"

"Taking advantage of a woman in a club? Really?" Diana fumed.

"Apparently so."

Without a second thought Diana flicked the man in the head. Granted, it was with the strength a normal person would use to kill a fly, but Diana was no ordinary person. A moment later the man was on the ground groaning with a feisty Italian over him. "Diana! What the hell!"

"Language, Helen." She scolded, "Just another one of your many mistakes tonight."

"Mistakes? What mistakes?"

"As though you don't know!"

"Look you crazy bitch you can't go around punching people!" Helen yelped, dropping to her knees and pressing her hand on the man's head.

"You do it all the time!"

"Yeah, but it makes sense with me. When you do it it's like Gandhi smacking an infant." She remarked while checking out the bruise. "Shit, Diana. Damn it..."

"Excuse me for attempting to help you!" Wonder Woman cried, "Next time you decide to shall we say shop around I'll make sure to stay out of your way and let you ruin the only moderately sane-well, semi-normal-er, _pleasant _relationship you've ever had that didn't last a night."

"Christ, I'm going to kill this crazy son of a bitch." Helen swore under her breath, "Diana, how smart are you? Scale of Grundy to Batman?"

The Amazon's chest puffed out in confidence. "Quite intellectual."

"Then why are you so effing stupid?" She snapped, "You knocked out my boyfriend, damn it!"

"...What?"

"Q, you idiot." Helen muttered, smacking the man on the arm. "I can't take you anywhere!"

"What did you say?" Diana repeated once more. Hera, what was this?

"You knocked out Q, Princess Torpedo Tits, that's what I said!"

Diana was too stunned by the accusation to chastise Helen on her new nickname for her. "I did no such thing!"

Helena ignored her and turned back to the tall man sprawled out on the floor. "Vic, I swear one day I'm going to kill you if your damn paranoia doesn't get you first."

"Shh..." Q groaned, "Don't-...Don't say my name."

"Hm, that's a first from you."

"Helen!"

"See, that's more of what I'm used to hearing." Helen smirked teasingly before looking up at Diana and glaring once more. "Why are you stupid?"

"Stupid? I was merely trying to-"

"Can it!"

"What are you talking about? I don't have a can or anything to put in it!"

Helena smacked herself on the forehead and muttered something about Diana being all breast and no brains. "Whatever. Come on, Vic. Get your cute butt up."

"Aside from the fact I fail to comprehend how something used for sitting and ridding one's body of waste can be considered 'cute' please stop calling me that." Q muttered, sitting up and rubbing his head. "She'll hear you, Helen."

"Why is it an issue that I am able to hear you?" Diana asked with a frown.

Helena rolled her eyes. "He's worried you're going to figure out his identity."

"Most likely she already has." Q scowled crossly. "I'm sitting here without my mask on and you keep dropping my name willy-nilly!"

"Well what the hell am I supposed to call you? Rorschach?"

Vic glared at her. "Don't even start with that."

Helena narrowed her eyes. "Make me."

"Ahem, why exactly are you here, Question?" Diana inquired with a curious tilt of her head. "Surely you were not tailing your girlfriend to make sure she was being loyal, correct?"

The Italian let out a sharp, sarcastic laugh. "Yeah, right! You know how I found him?" She sent Q a glare causing the man to look down bashfully at the ground. "He was sitting on a chair with one whore on his lap and the other on his arm."

"I told you I was telling them about what the Conspiracy about strip clubs." Vic mumbled.

"Please, the only thing you were telling them was that they needed to-"

Wonder Woman decided to cut them off before the spat escalated to violence. "If you don't mind me asking, how did you end up *ahem* _being affectionate _on a coin slot?"

"Because Q dearest over here has a fetish he's in denial about when it comes to foreign women." Helen explained with a sigh as her boyfriend began protesting the accusation. "Oh, shut it. So anyways Q completely pissed me off so I went over there and calmly told the women to go away-"

"Her exact words were 'If you don't back the fuck off I'll slice out your implants'."

"-and after a little persuasion-"

"She took a spoon and knocked one of them out with it."

"-they left and I started explaining to him why I wasn't happy-"

"By yelling at me and threatening to slice of my testicles."

"-and it just...happened."

"It just happened?" Diana repeated dubiously. "Explain to me how two people go from fighting and preparing to rip each other's throats out to being locked in an embrace?"

"...Her accent's sexy." Vic shrugged, "Turns me on."

"And when Q gets all hot for me it's...hot." Helen added, "It gets me...frisky, which makes him even hornier."

"I don't get 'horny', I simply become...highly aroused."

"Mm, it's still a turn-on." Helen murmured, staring at the redhead she was seated on the floor next to mischievously and moving closer. "After all, the best part of fighting is the make-up sex."

Vic's eyes widened slightly, but narrowed with desire as he scooted closer as well. "Hurm, very true. Care to go grab a drink with me, ma'am?"

"Ma'am? Are we going to be strangers having make-up sex?" Helena smirked, "How does that work?"

"I'll show you after a few drinks." He winked, "As long as it isn't Budlight. You know what they do to their drinks."

"Hm...I like sexy Vic." Helena purred taking his hand and letting him lead her towards the bar.

Diana simply sighed and shook her head. Love was so strange.

But Question would always be stranger.

* * *

><p>Kara poured another shot of Vodka down her thought and smiled at the crowd in front of her with her hands on her hips.<p>

"Care for another one, boys?"

The crowd of men in front of her cheered and whistled at the blonde standing on a counter in front of them as her hands went from her hips to gripping the pole in front of her. Kara laughed and threw her head back before letting herself swirl around and down the bronze pole.

Thank Rao Clark wasn't here to see this.

The Argonian had her first sips of liquor -aside from old wine in Ma Kent's kitchen- and found it to be delicious. There were so many different flavors and each one was new to her. Some tasted like raspberries; others had traces of chocolate, a few with licorice, and others with the flavor of pure alcohol.

Kara had taken comfort in the fact that her metabolism and powers would keep her from getting drunk. What she hadn't thought of was that since she was from a different planet than Clark her abilities would be different, including her tolerance for alcohol.

Which was more or less how Kara Kent found herself pole dancing in the middle of a casino in Vegas.

The music pulsed through the room making the energy crackle. When it came to dancing Kara was hardly an expert, but apparently the trick to being a good dancer when you were female was to do nothing more than shake your ass and jiggle your chest as much as possible.

A pole was helpful as well.

Kara smiled in drunken satisfaction as members of the crowd began to call out.

"Woo! Look at her go!"

"Dance, baby girl, dance!"

"Gah! John, this isn't a kids place like the site said! Bobby, close your eyes!"

"But _Mom_! She's so hot!"

"BOBBY!"

"Whoa, what's going on with my wiener? It feels har-"

"_BOBBY!" _

Oh yes, tonight was one of the best nights she'd ever had in her life.

In fact the young woman was so immersed in her dance along with the attention she was getting from her fans that she didn't even noticed three new men enter the group.

Ted Grant, Wally, and Roy all laughed as they headed towards the table where some girl was dancing. Wildcat had been caught up in telling them a story about Dinah when she was little (a story Wally decided to use as blackmail the next time she tried to get him to go on monitor duty) before Roy began one of his own about a particular night he'd spent with Cheshire.

The three men had laughed as Roy went into detail about something the assassin had done in bed as they approached the table. Wally suddenly exclaimed that there was a super hot babe that looked like Power Girl pole dancing and all men quickly hurried themselves along to get there faster.

Kara laughed as a man tried to grab her foot and swung around on the pole once more. It occurred to her hazy mind that she could set him on fire with her X-ray vision, but she decided not to.

Maybe it was the numerous glasses of alcohol talking, but Kara hadn't felt this confident or good in a long time. Her looks were often overshadowed by Karen and her stupid enormous boobs, but at the moment it was her everyone wanted.

She was glad she'd had so much to drink.

Roy let out a whistle as he locked eyes on the body of the sexy little blonde on the table. He couldn't see her face, but she had a great body. She looked a little young though, but he brushed it aside knowing you had to be at least eighteen to get into this casino.

The resemblance the girl bore to Karen Star aka Powergirl was uncanny. She easily could have been her younger sister. Come to think of it, she looked a hell of a lot like Supergirl, too. Of course they were technically each other in a different Earth, the age was different. This girl looked much more like Kara than Karen, particularly in the chest area...

"Guys," Roy began, "This is going to sound crazy, but...I think that's Kara."

"Kara...Kent?" Wally frowned, "No, it can't be..."

"It better not be. Last thing I need is some panty-wearing boy scout telling me off for letting her act all easy-peasy." Ted scowled as they all looked at the young woman.

_Oh please don't let it be Kara! Oh please don't let it be Kara! Oh please don't let it be Kara! _Wally thought to himself frantically. _Oh please don't let it be Kara! Oh please don't let it be-Oh tartar sauce._

A low groan emitted from the men as they realized it most certainly was Kara Kent dancing up and down the pole. Roy instantly felt his stomach churn as he realized he had been having naughty thoughts about Superman's kid cousin. If Dick ever found out about this...

"What are we supposed to do?" Wally asked frantically, "I mean do we tip her or call child services?"

"Can we call child services and give them a tip?" Roy murmured.

"Well while you two stand there staring at the woman I think I'm gonna do something about it!" Ted cried as he began to push through the crowd of men with surprising agility. After knocking yet another horny male out of his way he jumped on the table where Kara was dancing.

"Hey kid!"

"Hiii Teddy-Ted!" Kara grinned as she caught sight of the man. "Are you a ha-ha *hic* happy kitty cat today?"

"Girl, you're gonna get a whooping."

"Does the naughty little ki-kitten want to spank me?"

"I'm too old for this." Ted muttered, scooping the girl in his arms.

"Weeee!" The young woman screeched as Ted swung her over his shoulders. "Teddy bear, let's fly!"

Before he could reply, Supergirl had taken to the air and began to fly around the casino. "Woo, look at us go!" She screamed as Ted began to yell out in fear and gripped onto her waist as though his life depended on it, which it did. The elderly man looked down fearfully at the ground below him where civilians were pointing and screaming.

Ted thought they were idiots. After all, they weren't the ones hanging onto a drunken super-powered amateur stripper extraordinaire while soaring through the air. Cats may have had nine lives, but he was down to two for God's sake!

He hoped everyone came to his funeral dressed for boxing.

"DID KARA JUST KIDNAP TED?" Wally squeaked.

"WELL HE SURE AS HELL DIDN'T ASK FOR A RIDE! DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE FAIR TO YOU? THERE ARE NO RIDES!"

"THAT'S NOT WHAT YOUR MOM SAID!"

"WALLY THIS IS SO NOT THE TIME!"

"Ha, this is so much fun!" Kara giggled as she tossed Ted into the air thus causing him to nearly lose his lunch. "Teddy, let's fly to Paris!"

"YOU GODDAMNED ALIEN PUT ME DOWN!"

"Is that a yes?"

"NO!"

"I gotcha!" Wally cried before bursting into a frenzy of speed, running up a wall, and grabbing Kara by her shirt with his hand. He pulled the blonde down with a screaming Ted barking something about dog-gone Metas before scooping Kara up in his own arms. "Got her!"

"Ginger! GINGER!" Kara shrieked, "HE'LL STEAL MY SOUL!"

"Oh, come on! I don't even have freckles!"

Wally's protest was cut short by Kara shooting him square in the ass with a red beam of heat from her eyes. He cried out in anguish as the smoldering energy collided with his skin and frantically grabbed his rear, dropping Kara. The blonde giggled in delight and fell onto the floor rolling over hysterically as Wally bawled over his scarred ass.

"Holy crap! How do I sit? How do I take a dump! Dear God, _how will I attract women with my amazing ass in Spandex if it's scarred!_"

"He's very fond of his ass." Roy explained to Ted.

"Well I was pretty darn fond of the floor!"

"What the hell is going on here?" Oliver Queen, appearing for the first time since they arrived, demanded as he stormed up to the men with his fiancé in tow.

Roy ignored him. "Hi, Dinah."

The gorgeous blonde smiled. "Hey, Roy."

"What are you doing here?"

"Oh, just having my bachelorette party."

"Really? That's great!"

_"EXCUSE ME BUT MY ASS WAS JUST TORCHED BY SUPERSLUT OVER THERE!" _

"What's he babbling on about?" Ollie asked.

"Oh, Kara got drunk, pole danced, took Ted for a little ride around the ceiling, and burned Wally's ass with her heat vision."

"Wait, Kara got drunk? How is that possible?" Dinah exclaimed.

"I have no idea."

_"OH MY GOD, MY BEST ASSET! NOW WHO'S GOING TO WIN BEST ASS ON THE WATCHTOWER?" _

"Um, probably Nightwing for the 5th year in a row." Dinah muttered.

"Okay you shut up!" Wally growled. _"MY TATTOO, OH BALLS MY SEXY TATTOO!" _

Suddenly, he looked at Ollie, unbuckled his belt, and ran towards the Emerald Archer. His sneakers skidded onto the tile as he swerved around and promptly yanked his pants down to his ankles and mooning him. "_OLLIE! HOW DOES IT LOOK!" _

"Surprisingly perky."

_"I MEANT THE TATTOO!" _

"Unsurprisingly stupid."

"Hey!"

"Wally, when did you get a tattoo?" Dinah frowned as she looked it over. "What did you all do?"

Roy sighed. "If you only knew the half of it..."

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><p><strong>AN I'm curious, is there anything anyone would like to see happen? I'd very much appreciate your ideas:) **

**A/N Review please! **


	10. To Trick A French Man

**A/N I own nothing, all characters belong to DC and Warner Bros.**

**Thanks for the reviews!**

* * *

><p>A single bead of water trickled down the plastic cup in Mari's hand as she downed her beer.<p>

Life was good right now. Damn good. She had a beer in her hand and a smile on her face, happy for the first time in so long. Genuinely happy, too. Not the kind you earned by parading down catwalks or socking scum in the eye, but the kind of pure joy you experienced when all of life's troubles temporarily vanish.

A girl could get used to it.

When was the last time she had felt so carefree? So alive? It had been ages.

The last time Maria had experienced this type of pure joy had been two months back when she and a few other female members of the League had busted Roulette's Glamour Slam. It sounded peculiar, but that truly had been it. Between the simplicity of feeling like she belonged and the straight up sensation of freedom it had been epic.

Freedom. For a model/hero she seemed to lack it. Especially when she was with John.

Oh, John.

Their relationship wasn't doing too hot. In fact it was starting to feel like they were together just so he could avoid his 'destiny' with Shayera.

That hurt. Being used as a distraction was something she never thought she would have to deal with. As a famous model Mari had dealt with many men using her for other reasons such as fame, but a distraction? Unheard of.

Not to say that John was Satan or anything like that. John was a good, loyal, hard-working man who just happened to still be harboring feelings for his ex. But who could blame him? Shayera was gorgeous, one hell of a fighter, and had a spit-fire personality that made men like John fall all over himself. Mari knew how close they had been before the invasion, and that always left one little question in the back of her mind.

Would she and John have gotten together if the Thanagarians hadn't invaded Earth?

Mari tried not to think about it.

She loved John who to some extend loved her back. Vixen had cut him a lot of slack considering how things ended with Shayera, but she was getting fed up. He was with her now, damn it! John needed to act like it more.

The lights spun around her as she twirled in a circle, Heineken splashing out of the curve of her cup. The feeling of the beverage hitting her hand was lost to the model as she laughed heartily at the pulsing beat of the music.

The men she was with at the bar had been surprisingly good gentlemen, language and jokes aside. Not that Mari cared. As long as no one tried to sneak a peek down her shirt they could tell all the filthy jokes they wanted about each other's mothers.

When the bartender himself went, "A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple thinks 'bout their first time 25 years ago, the wife asks the hubby, 'When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what went through your mind?'. The husband said, 'All I wanted to do was fuck your brains out and suck your ta-tas dry.' Then, as the woman undressed, she asked, 'What's going through your mind now?' And the husband went, 'Looks like I did a pretty good job'."

Mari roared with laughter as the other men cracked up. Even though she had heard the joke before it still was funny as hell. She was so caught up in her laughter that she didn't notice the sound of boots hitting the ground behind her until a voice announced, "Well hello little darlin'!"

Vixen turned around in surprise to see Greg Saunders AKA Vigilante staring at her with that boyish grin she loved so much. There were many things about the man that she found endearing, but his smile definitely topped the list.

The two had become close friends after being sent on a phony mission to an alien planet. Between listening to her bitch about John and the two of them meeting up in Paris to shop Mari had more or less began to consider him her best friend.

"Greg!" Mari smiled, hugging him tight. Her face suddenly scrunched up in confusion, "What are you doing here?"

"Ollie-boy's getting his balls tied down to the future missus and gathered a few fellas to celebrate." He explained in a thick southern accent, "What brings you here?"

"The same, except with Dinah instead of Ollie." Mari replied, "Huh, who would have thought we all would have ended up here?"

"Not me. Mind if you give me some of that there drink?"

"Just don't drink it all."

Greg took a sip. "Ugh, Heineken. Darlin' ain't you been told that the one true beer is Bud Light?"

"You're crazy."

"Nope, I just got better taste. So watcha doing all lonesome over here? Thought you and a few ladies were having a little party."

"I wandered off." Mari confessed. She had needed to experience the freedom her life had been lacking. Sitting here a little tipsy laughing with men she'd never met and feeling sexy had restored something she hadn't even realized she had lost.

"Why? Pretty lady like you should travel in a group around men like these."

"They were behaving themselves." Vixen said, "I just felt like I needed to be on my own for a bit, you know? I don't know what it is but lately I just feel trapped."

"You know how to cure that, little lady?"

"How?"

Greg smirked, swiped a drink from a man standing next to him, and clanked his cup with Mari's. "Drink up."

* * *

><p>Dinah groaned and tiredly blinked open her eyes, a headache slamming her thought process.<p>

_What the hell did I do last night? _As she became aware of herself snuggling next to a naked body in her bed her thoughts quickly shot to, _WHO the hell did I do last night!_

Never in the blonds' life had she ever been so happy to see a goatee.

Knowing that it was Ollie instead of some random man on the street made Dinah feel a hell of a lot better. Mainly because she was engaged to the man, but also to make sure that she hadn't fallen back into the habit of bedding men she didn't know like she had when she was younger.

Dinah sat up cautiously and pulled the bed sheet up to cover her chest. As she tried to blink away any lingering sleep she became aware of a third figure in the room half-laying out of the closet in their room. An oddly human figure...

Oh, shit. What the hell had they done last night?

Her azure eyes widened as she realized that it _was _a person, a person who was beginning to move. Bracing herself for the absolute worst Dinah hesitantly watched the figure sit up...

...Only to see an unnaturally skinny man in tight black pants with chopped raven hair look around the room in confusion.

What. The. Hell.

The man turned to her and for a moment they stood there staring in a classical Mexican standoff. Finally, it was Dinah that spoke. "...Um..."

_"Sucre bleu!" _He yelped, "You-You treeked meh!"

"I _what_?"

"You treeked meh!" The man cried in a heavy French accent. "Zis-Zis is C'est scandaleux!"

"I tricked you? What?"

"I zought zat you and zey _très belle femme_ were going to make sweet, sweet love and zen you _baisage _ze hairy American!"

"Wait, _what_?"

Dinah felt Ollie stir next to her and felt a spark of hope ignite in her. Maybe he would know what was going on here.

"Bah, you American women are all ze same! You love us French and our accents, _oui_? But you cannot stand the way we like to love! Ven a French man zees two beautiful woman giggling and drinking together you are ze lesbians, no? But alas, you tricked me! I followed you two up here wanting to watch and you are greeted by two men!"

At this point Ollie was up and beginning to grasp what was happening. "Hey Pretty Bird, why's Napoleon in our room?"

"Ze audacity! Still clinging to hope, I watched anyways thinking zat eet might 'av been an orgy, but no. You and ze hairy American went in one room while ze Italian and ze wacko took a couch. Ugh, I should speet on you!"

"You do and I'll make you go deaf." Canary threatened, "Wait a minute, are you saying you watched Ollie and I have sex?"

"Pft, eet was mostly you I saw watching, _belle_."

"You little creep!" Ollie barked, jumping up and out of the bed. When it occurred to the archer he wasn't wearing anything at all, he quickly made a grab for the sheet to cover himself.

Seeing Oliver was distracted, the French man quickly rolled onto his feet and made a beeline for the window and down the fire escape. The Emerald Archer cursed wildly under his breath as he wrapped the sheet around his waist while bolting to the fire escape.

Dinah, more confused than angry, decided to quietly slip out of bed and into some clothes as her fiancé chased the man like a hound dog on an outlaw's trail. Though watching him fall on his ass twice, drop the sheet, and scream at the man for insulting his size was pretty damn funny, there were more pressing matters at hand.

Like where her pants were, for one thing.

Deciding that they must have been stolen by gremlins (or a French man with a fetish), Dinah settled for slipping on one of Ollie's shirts instead. As she caught sight of his bare ass hopping out the window (the sheet had yet again slipped off) she sighed to herself with a little smile and headed out towards the main room of the suite they were in.

Dinah loved her friends, she really did. But there were fine lines between friendly things and straight up disturbing things.

Vic and Helena's naked bodies covering couch now topped the latter.

She quickly covered her eyes with her hand and looked away. Okay, maybe, _maybe _she took the teeniest little peek just to see how Ollie and Q stacked up, but seeing as there was no evidence she would never admit it.

For one thing, Helen would kill her.

"Babe, I finally caught the little bastard-Whoops." Ollie said as he entered the room. "Look, free porn."

Dinah smacked him on the shoulder and glared at him. "That's disgusting, and I better not catch you looking at Helena."

"Well if you get naked too then I personally guarantee I won't."

The blond glared at him.

"Uh, or I could just promise now."

"Yeah, let's go with that." Dinah smirked, "How are we supposed to wake them up?"

"Look, this is the longest I've ever been around the guy without hearing some wacko theory about who-knows-what. I vote we let 'em be and hightail it out of here."

"Ollie!"

"Or we could take the security tape and use it as blackmail."

"Oliver!"

"Oh, come on! Like it wouldn't be useful."

He had her there, but no way was Dinah going to admit it. "You're crossing a line between clever and creepy, babe. It's not very encouraging."

Ollie shrugged and reached for a shoe thrown haphazardly onto the floor. He inspected it for a moment before aiming it at Vic's slumbering head and chucking it.

"Ngh!" Q grunted, squeezing his eyes all the more shut and smacking away at the air.

"Stubborn bastard." Ollie grunted as he looked around for another shoe. Dinah figured it was time to intervene when she saw him stalk towards a stiletto before Vic lost any brain cells he may have had left.

The petite blond studied the nude couple uncomfortably. It wasn't like she'd never had to awaken someone with a hangover, but two naked friends seemed a little...odd. Not to mention creepy.

How exactly did one go about this situation?

"Do we...get a stick or something?" Ollie asked.

"No, no, we're being stupid." Dinah said firmly, "Let's just, uh, tap them on the shoulder or something."

"...With a stick?"

"No...maybe just a hanger or something."

"This is freaking ridiculous." Oliver breathed, heading towards the suites kitchen. His fiancé watched curiously as he stalked to the counter and poured himself a steaming cup of coffee.

As he marched back over and took a small sip, Dinah wondered what he had come up with for a plan to wake the pair up. Before she could voice her question Ollie stuck out his hand and poured the liquid all over Q's head in a flash.

Q woke up with a shout.

Dinah smacked Ollie.

Oliver let out a yelp.

Helen mumbled at them all to go to Hell.

"Are you insane, Queen?" Vic demanded as he viciously shook his head to cleanse it of the putrid drink. "Don't you know that exposure to coffee leads to a chemical breakdown of the brain as well as eats away calf muscle?"

It didn't surprise Ollie that Q was more concerned about the coffee itself rather than the fact that it was saturated in his messy hair. The man was famous for having a few screws loose after all.

"What are you staring at, Queen?" The redheaded man asked after a few moments.

"Um..." Wasn't it obvious?

Vic raised an eyebrow before looking down. He let out a slight cough of embarrassment then crossed his legs and positioned Helena so nothing too revealing showed.

Damn the alcohol for affecting him like this.

"Mm, babe? It's chilly." Helena muttered, snuggling closer to his side and running a finger down his chest. "Warm me up?"

Ollie's ears perked up as he leered towards them, but a quick glare from Dinah made him attempt to mask his initial reaction. Hey, it was more or less free porn and as a guy he was intrigued. Even if it was between a wacko and an even bigger one.

"Ahem." Dinah huffed, her hands on her hips. "We're right here you know."

"Oh, Dinah. Is your sex life with Archer-boy so boring you have to watch mine?" Helena asked sympathetically. "I'm sure there are websites and books that could help you."

"That isn't what I meant!"

"Sure it isn't."

"Could you put on some pants please? This is a little weird even for us." Ollie said.

"Don't see why. Orgies and open sexuality is more natural for humans than the secrecy and indecency it currently is associated with because of society's upbringing. Large gatherings of sexual activity were especially popular in Rome and Greece." Vic lectured.

Dinah covered her ears. "I don't need to hear this."

"Helena and I have sex just as you and Ollie do. We're two people with desires and share them with each other. It's nothing to be shunned or ashamed of."

"Seriously, be quiet."

"I've overheard Ollie and you having sex in the room next to me, so why does this unsettle you?"

"Shut up! Shut up!"

"Then of course there was the time I walked in by accident and saw you two-"

"Okay, I'm out of here!" Dinah cried, throwing up her hands and storming back into her and Ollie's room.

Vic looked at Helena curiously, "Was it something I said?"

* * *

><p>The sound of someone furiously honking a horn prompted Mari to awaken with a jolt.<p>

She jumped up and quickly looked around the room, her heart racing as she saw clothes and shoes thrown haphazardly around the room.

Her heart beginning to sink, she did the only reasonable thing and looked over at the spot in the bed next to her praying it was empty, only to be greeted by a sleeping face. Greg's sleeping face.

_Oh my God..._

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><p><strong>AN My sincerest apologies for the ridiculous update time. Life's very, very busy at the moment.**

**A/N Review please!**


	11. The End

**A/N I own nothing, all characters belong to DC and Warner Bros.**

**So, so sorry about the long wait! But thank you for reviewing!**

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><p>Dinah tilted her chin up and stared at her reflection in the mirror.<p>

To say she looked gorgeous wasn't a statement of vanity, but one of truth. Dinah Lance was hardly vain, but she also had the confidence to know she was attractive. Though she always looked good, today she looked fantastic.

Canary knew Ollie would say it, too. Her fiancé could be pain in the butt but he'd never failed to compliment her beauty. It was one of his redeeming qualities that she valued so highly.

Ollie was a good guy. Hell, Ollie was a great guy. Though they had their issues she knew at the end of the day he would always be there for her. He might have been a horny handful, but Ollie was her man true and thin.

"Aunt Dinah."

Dinah looked down to see Lian tugging at her dress. "Yes, sweetie?"

"You look very petty."

The blonde woman's face lit up at the compliment. Without a second thought she bent down and grabbed the little girl in her arms, hugging her fiercely. "And you look gorgeous."

Lian smiled. "Thank you."

"No problem."

"Aunt Dinah?"

"Yes?"

"What does 'bone her' mean?"

Canary's feelings of tenderness were instantly zapped away by the question. "Wha-Where did you hear that!"

"Daddy was talking to Uncle Wally about Ms. Power Girl and said he wanted to bone her. What does it mean?"

She inwardly groaned at Roy's latest infatuation. "I'll tell you later."

"But I want to know now!"

"Everything okay in here?" Shayera asked, popping her head into the room.

"Aunt Dinah won't tell me what it means to bone someone!" Lian exclaimed.

Shay raised her eyes in surprise. "Really? But she gets boned by your Grandpa all the time."

"Shayera!"

"Why won't you tell me?" Lian groaned, stomping a tiny foot. She scrunched her face up and asked, "Is it because I drank soda before bed last night?"

"You know what? That's exactly what it is." Dinah lied, "This is your punishment."

"But that's not fair!"

"Well, sweetie, there are two options." Canary said, "You could take my punishment, or I could let Ms. Shayera punish you."

Her eyes widened. "You wouldn't."

"Try me."

"Hey!" Shayera snapped, "What the hell is so bad about me punishing someone? I'm not a monster!"

"Uncle Wally told me what you do to people that don't listen to you."

"Oh for Pete's Sake..." The Thanagarian muttered.

"You two are so wonderful with kids." Helena snorted sarcastically as she entered the bride's changing room with Vixen, Zatanna, and Barbara.

"Geez, Dinah, you think five bridesmaids is enough?" Barbara asked with a laugh.

"Babs!" The blonde shouted, a large smile taking up her entire face as she rushed to hug the redheaded woman. "Oh my God! You're here!"

"Oh, please, don't give us any attention." Helen smirked, "People are going to think you're marrying Babs instead of Ollie."

"Oh, shut it." Dinah scowled.

"Yeah, Hel, don't be jealous." Oracle teased, "It's so unbecoming."

"Ladies, ladies, if there was anymore estrogen in this room Lian would grow breasts." Zee chided with a snort.

The six-year-old stuck her tongue out at the sorceress and crossed her arms over her chest. "Bleh."

Dinah turned back into to the mirror. It was hard to believe that in an hour she was going to be a married woman. Married to Oliver Queen the billionaire, no less. Women had tried to tie him down before but in the end Canary took a deep pride in the fact that she had been the one to snag her Olliepop.

A knock on the door made all the women turn their heads. Roy stood at the door with a smirk on his face. "It's time."

Dinah took a deep breath.

* * *

><p>When Dinah had asked Ted Grant to walk her down the aisle she hadn't expected him to cry.<p>

It wasn't like the man had broken down into hysterics, but his eyes had teared up. Of course in true Wildcat style the aging man had quickly blamed it on onions.

Dinah decided not to mention that they were in the living room at the time.

It had touched her deeply. Ted was like a father to her and she loved him beyond words. He had taught her to fight as a little girl and even now was trying to give her pointers.

"Alright baby girl, if the priest pulls a knife what do you do?"

"Ted! The priest is not going to pull a knife!"

"But if he were to..."

"Then I would dodge, grab his wrist, twist it, and take the knife to disarm him." Dinah sighed in exasperation. "Honestly Ted it's my wedding. Can't we focus on that for a little while?"

"Sure thing baby girl." Ted nodded, "I just can't believe you're really getting married. What happened to the little girl trying to reach the dummy's head when she threw a punch?"

"She grew." Dinah smiled, squeezing his hand.

Ted smiled back. "Yes she did, and into a very fine young woman. Now come on, let's get this show on the road."

The bride-to-be nodded timidly as Ted looped his arm around hers. Stepping out of her room and into the hallway caused a tingling combination of nerves and excitement to jolt throughout her body. _Oh my God, this is really happening..._

As the music gently flooded the church hall where the ceremony was taking place, Dinah stepped hesitantly onto the rug that ran to the altar. She saw Ollie standing there decked out in a tux with an eager look on his face, Roy standing next to him patiently. Her own bridesmaids stood across from the two men quietly, the entire church waiting for her to come.

But suddenly, Dinah couldn't move.

"I-I can't." Dinah murmured, "Oh God, I can't."

"Don't get cold feet on me now, Missy. I paid good money to rent this tux!" Ted frowned, "Look, you love the bleeding heart liberal, he loves you. What's the problem?"

"I'm scared. What if we don't work out? What if something happens to us? What if-"

"What if that's just a bunch of crap keeping you from the happiest day of your life?" Ted suggested, "What if I told you it was bull and to get your rear down that aisle?"

"I-I would say you're right." Dinah said, "O-Okay, I'm ready."

"'Bout time."

With newly found confidence flooding through her Dinah began her long walk down the aisle. The crowd stood up to get a glimpse of the beautiful woman dressed in white and for once Dinah welcomed all the attention knowing it had good intentions.

Ollie's face lit up as his eyes fell on her and Dinah bathed in the light of his glow. This was how it was supposed to be. The two of them forever and ever.

"She would wear fishnets with a wedding dress." Helena muttered to Mari with a smirk.

"Hm? Oh, yes." Mari nodded, her mind elsewhere.

"You okay?" Helen asked.

"Fine."

Roy grinned as he saw Dinah start her walk towards them. She was hot to begin with, but tonight she looked unbelievably beautiful.

Ollie was a lucky man and he knew it. Aside from the fact Dinah had never looked so flawless the eager grin of love on her face provided him with a certainty that this truly was the best choice he had ever made. Securing Dinah as his forever was something that needed to be done.

When his soon-to-be-wife finally arrived next to him at the altar, Ollie decided that this was worth every penny and every tattoo it had taken to get here.

Superman had opted to be the one who officiated the marriage, but Ollie had felt someone closer to them deserved the honor. So Ted quickly let go of Dinah's arm and hopped up in front of them.

"Ahem." Ted began, "The men and women -and Wally- gathered here today are here to witness the bonding of this beautiful little lady to the hippie."

"Hey!"

"Shush, I'm doing a wedding here. Over the years I've seen him mess up many times, many, many, _many_ times. Heh, there was this one time on Dinah's birthday when-"

"Ted, not the time." Dinah hissed.

"Anyways, while he's messed up many times Dinah never lost faith. 'Course she ain't perfect either. Spends too much time gossiping and going shopping with the gals instead of working on her technique. Don't even get me started on her temper-"

"_Ted_."

"My point is despite all these faults they still managed to stay together and get this far. It's something you don't see much of anymore; two people willing to make it work instead of just stopping. Makes me feel all soft and sentimental."

Dinah felt her smile grow as Ted began their vows. Never in her life had she felt such sheer happiness.

The vows were exchanged. Ted announced them man and wife as the newlyweds shared a kiss. The church erupted with the sound of enthusiastic clapping from the guests.

"It's about time!" Roy shouted, pulling his bow up and firing an arrow in celebration. The young archer winced as it landed next to Fire causing the Brazilian woman to scream. "Maybe I should have thought that out more..."

* * *

><p>The wedding guests flooded outside the church into the courtyard, Mari one of the last to exist the chapel.<p>

She had a lot on her mind at the moment. She still couldn't believe that she had slept with Greg last night, much less while still with John. Sure they hadn't been getting along lately but that didn't give her an excuse to sleep her ass around like a common slut. Loyalty meant something to her.

In the mist of her thoughts she didn't notice a green Mustang pull up next to the church or John get out of it. The Lantern climbed out dressed in casual wear with dark sunglasses. He looked around for a moment before his gaze fell onto Mari and he began to head towards her.

"Mari! Wait up." John called breaking out into a jog to catch up to her.

"John?" Mari asked in surprise. "What are you doing here? I thought you said you couldn't come."

"I have something I need to get off my chest." John sighed, guilt overtaking his face. "Mari...I haven't been loyal to you. About a month ago Shay and I got drunk and slept together."

Mari's eyes widened, but he continued. "It happened again a few more times, and I can't take the guilt anymore. We aren't meant to be, and I know that now. I'm sorry I had to hurt you to realize it."

"...You bastard." Mari snapped, "Do I look like a sex-toy, John? You didn't sleep with her once but on multiple occasions? What the hell!"

"I'm sorry, I just didn't-"

"John could you make a dildo with your ring?"

"What? Why?"

"So you could take it and go fuck yourself!" Mari spat, turning on her heels. Little tidbits of relief flooded through her knowing that she wasn't alone in her sin, but she wasn't going to ever let John know that. "Get bent!"

Diana watched her two teammates storm off in anger not quite knowing what had just occurred. Perhaps she should go try and help Mari. Before the Amazonian could take a step forward she heard a voice call out her name.

"Hey, princess!"

Diana turned to see Helena in a purple dress coming up to greet her, Q in tow. "Hello, Helena."

"Alright, so I was telling Di about how you busted my 'affair' and she thinks I over reacted. Apparently you were just being a good friend to me and I need to apologize. So...I'm sorry." The Italian-American apologized with a sigh as she began to dig through her purse. "Anyway, I thought I would make it up to you by getting you this."

She handed the other woman a book with a picture of two teenagers on it. "_Word: A Modern Slang Dictionary_? What is this for?"

"You seem to have problems understanding a lot of things people say now, Diana. I thought it would be a good idea to give you this."

"...Thank you." Diana replied, nodding her head slowly. "That is very kind of you, Huntress."

"Don't sweat it."

"Why would I sweat by receiving this gift? It's not very heavy."

"Oh just read the book." Helena sighed, turning to an unmasked Vic. "Did you finish yet?"

"Finish what?" Diana asked.

"My boss assigned me to cover the Queen's wedding instead of the murder of a congressman like a requested." Q explained with a slightly bitter undertone. "Apparently their wedding is more important."

"Oh, shush." Helena scolded, "They're our friends, Vic. You were going no matter what."

"Hurm."

"Victor!"

Diana decided to quickly head over to the reception before it got out of hand.

* * *

><p>"Daddy, you're going to step on my feet!"<p>

"Don't be silly, munchkin. I'm light on my feet." Roy winked at his daughter.

The two were at the reception along with the rest of the wedding guests. Music drifted through the halls making Lian jump in excitement and demand her father dance with her.

"Roy! Roy!"

The young archer turned to see Wally dragging a Vietnamese woman across the hall with a bewildered look on her pretty face. "Roy," Wally grinned, "I'd like to introduce you to Linda."

"Hey, you're real!" Roy exclaimed, shaking the woman's hand. "It's nice to see Wally with someone he doesn't have to deflate after being with."

"And it's nice to see that he really does have friends that aren't imaginary."

"Gee, thanks guys." Wally scowled, "Glad I can always count on you."

"Uncle Wally!" Lian said as she caught sight of her favorite uncle.

"Hey squirt." The redhead smiled, ruffling up her hair. "This is Linda."

Lian looked at her for a long time before asking, "Are you a robot? Daddy said the only woman who could ever put up with Uncle Wally would have to be a robot."

Linda howled with laughter as Wally's ears burned with embarrassment. "No! She's a living, breathing female!"

"A living breathing female whose boyfriend has a tattoo of the Flash Mobile on his ass."

From across the room Vic was announcing details of the wedding into a camera with a microphone in his hand. He hated covering anything he didn't deem real news and this was as fake as it got.

Who cared if they got married? This didn't affect any of his viewers at all. If anything it simply clogged up the media with garbage to distract viewers from honest to God news. Perhaps it was a Conspiracy...

He mindlessly spoke into the mic about the cost of the wedding. Queen had blown triple Vic's own yearly paycheck on one ceremony and the bastard didn't have a single regret about it. Sure Ollie was a friend of his, but to waste all his fortune on one of the biggest Conspiracies in the world was tragic.

"Hey there, Sugar Balls."

Oh no.

Helena drunkenly wrapped an arm around his neck and kissed his cheek. Fantastic. Not even an hour into the reception and his girlfriend had raided the free bar.

"Helena, not now." He muttered as she nuzzled into his chest. "You've been drinking."

"I had a few drinks with Zinda, so what?" Damn it, he should have known better than to let her go off with Zinda Blake around alcohol. "Mm, let's go into a bathroom and have some fun."

He felt his ears burn as the two men manning the camera stifled laughs. "Er, Helen, please not now."

"Come on, I'll do that think you like with my tongue..." She smirked with intoxication, "Hell, let's do it on the table."

"Helena..." Vic sent a panic look to the camera. "I'm working."

She smacked him on the chest. "You-You always work. 'Lax a little baby, you need to."

Before he could reply she kissed him hard, cutting him off. "C'mon baby, two people who do the work we do deserve to rest..."

Deciding to go before she gave away any more information, Vic quickly bid the audience goodnight and turned to walk away with his drunken love. He heard a whisper of _lucky bastard _from the cameraman and, despite everything, smiled.

Mari sat with a frown on her face as Huntress and Q walked past her on the way to the bathroom, no doubt using it for alternative purposes. It made her sad to think that could have been her and John.

"Darlin'?"

She turned to see Greg standing there awkwardly. "I know things didn't quite work out right, but you wanna dance?"

Slowly, Mari smiled and took his hand. "Of course I do."

As they got up, Ollie and Dinah took the floor for their first dance as a married couple. The room once again burst into applause as the couple kissed each other, their happiness evident.

"I love you, Ollie." Dinah murmured.

"I love you too, Dinah." Oliver smiled, pulling her against him tightly.

"So," She smiled, looking up at him mischievously. "Did I ever get to tell you about the cake we had at my bachelorette party?"

**End**

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><p><strong>AN Thanks for reading this fic. It took longer than I expected, but I still completed it. Also this will be the last multi-chap fic I post in this archive probably forever, so also a large thanks to you all for allowing me to write here for so long. I love you guys. **

**A/N For the last time...Please review:) **


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